(A/N: Nobody requested this, I just... *shrugs* Enjoy!)
After Loki had repented for his trying to take over the world phase, Tony grudgingly agreed to let him visit the Avengers for a week, Thor insisting that if the god of mischief got to know Midgardian culture as he had, he would be less inclined to destroy the planet. Basically, Tony was either drunk, sleep deprived, high on coffee or all three when he agreed, but it was too late.
~~~
The first day started by somebody mentioning a song and Loki asking what they meant, which ended in an all-day activity of all the Avengers playing their favourite songs in an attempt to educate Loki. After five long hours of this, Loki shook his head in disgust as another ACDC song starting blasting over the speakers.
"I am trying to appreciate your efforts, but your music clearly isn't for me. I don't understand this.... love, that everybody is yelling about."
"C'mon reindeer games, it's Back in Black! What's not to like?" Tony protested, pausing the music as Loki stood up to finally leave.
"Brother, mayhaps we can find a different style easier for you to... relate to?" Thor persisted.
Loki scoffed. "As if midgardians could write music fit for me."
At that very moment, Peter walked in having finished school, bopping to music on his headphones.
"Man of Spiders!" Thor yelled. "Let us hear your music!"
Startled, Peter looked up at them, then shrugged and unplugged his earphones. He was already halfway through, and Bohemian Rhapsody started blasting through FRIDAY's speakers.
I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me
He's just a poor boy from a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity
Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?
....
Loki's eyes had widened and he was frozen by the door, listening in rapture as the song continued through the chorus then eventually slowed down to an end.
-a devil put aside for me, for me, for me
So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye?
So you think you can love me and leave me to die?
Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here
Ooooh, ooh yeah, ooh yeah
Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
Nothing really matters
Nothing really matters to me
Any way the wind blows...
There were tears in Loki's eyes as it finished.
"What was that witchery?" He breathed, moving towards Peter. "It was like it could see into my soul. Play another!"
~~~~
It was the second day. The mysterious boy with the music had vanished and Loki was sorely missing his presence as he, Thor, Tony and Steve sat in silence, waiting for the others to finish getting ready.
"This is boring," Tony muttered.
"Hey, I've got an idea," Steve said.
"Go for it," Tony said.
Steve took a breath to start speaking, and immediately a series of muffled crashes were heard from the other side of the tower, quickly getting louder, concluding with the appearance of a shadowy, glowering figure in the doorway.
"No." Said Bucky.
~~~~
They were all still trying to think of something to do when the boy with the music came home.
"Hey, what are you guys doing?" He asked, seeing them all sat in a circle.
"We're trying to think of something us humans do to teach Loki about," Bruce explained.
"Oh cool. Hey Mr Loki, I don't think we've officially met. I'm Peter. Want to be friends?"
"You are below me, puny mortal," Loki said disdainfully.
Peter's eyes began to tear up and the entire universe gasped in horror.
Loki panicked and tried to apologise as he realised that this was the music child who had been so understanding yesterday. "I'm so sorry, do you want me to do magic? Or turn into a snake? I can get you a churro?????" He whimpered. "Please don't cry small child."
~~~~
On the third day, Bucky introduced Loki to baking, and the team were enjoying the cookies the pair had spent all day making when Peter got back from school.
"What?" He asked, beyond confused. You see, Loki had decided to add some of his own flair to Bucky's cookies, turning everybody's hair a random colour. Then he shrugged, took a cookie and joined them. "So, what are we going to do now?"
"How about Truth or Dare?" Thor suggested. "It is a Midgardian tradition I've heard of but never seen done. How does it work?"
"Like this," Clint turned to Tony. "Truth or Dare?"
"Uh, truth."
"Tell us your deepest darkest secret."
"Uh, in the morning I'm nothing without my coffee." He took a swig of the coffee he'd made to go with the cookies.
Peter looked up and stared straight into Tony's soul. "Well then maybe you shouldn't have it."
Tony spat his coffee everywhere.
Peter smiled sweetly and turned to Bucky. "Truth or Dare?"
"Hey, isn't it supposed to be my-"
"Dare."
Peter smirked evilly. "Ok, I dare you to..."
*five minutes later*
Peter turned on his phone camera and started filming. "Say hi VSCO Bucky!"
Bucky, sitting in an oversized branded shirt, hair in pigtails held by pink scrunchies and sipping something through a metal straw out of a dented hydro flask, sighed and said "Save the turtles, sksksksksksksk... Anna oop?" In the most dead-inside voice ever.
"I think I understand," Loki said. "Do it to me."
"Okay, Truth or Dare," Steve said.
"Dare."
"I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room."
"Sure. Tony?"
Tony looked up, startled. "Yeah?"
"Move, you're in the way of the mirror."
Everyone burst out laughing.
The evening continued like this, Loki always choosing dare and general silliness happening. Peter's favourite was when he got to give the god of lies a dare and ended up with a video of Loki saying, "Hello I am Loki of Asgard and this is my show 'A million ways to fake your death and tear your brother's heart apart' now on Disney channel," with a stupidly wide grin before drawing the Disney logo on a big whiteboard.
~~~~
On the fourth day, there was a mission and the Avengers had to leave. Thor and Loki stayed at the tower and did a jigsaw, as they hadn't signed the Accords and weren't allowed to go. Tony had called and asked them to look out for the kid when he got back from school, if he was bleeding to send him to Dr Cho, and if he tried to do anything stupid, stop him.
Loki heard Peter come in and go to his room, probably doing the strange human concept he called 'homework'. About half an hour later, he wandered into the sitting room, where Loki was watching a film. Thor had gone to the gym.
"Mr Loki, can I have some soda?" Peter asked.
"What did Thor say?" Loki asked, pausing the film to look at the small child.
"Um, no?...."
"So why are you asking me?"
"Because he's not the boss of you."
Loki stared at the child. This is a trap, this is a trap, this is a trap. Finally he heaved a sigh and pressed play on the film. "Have your soda and begone, demon child."
"Yay, thank you mr Loki!"
~~~~
The Avengers returned by lunch the next day and were still resting when Peter got back from school. Once he'd finished his school-away-from-school, he joined Loki and the others in the sitting room and seemed to be scrolling through some kind of website.
Occasionally he would look up and say something random like, "if you say 'you absolute' in front of a random noun in a British accent, it becomes an insult," or "if you put 'violently' in front of any verb, it becomes funnier."
These triggered replies from he team along the lines of:
"You wardrobe. You absolute SOUP CAN!"
and
"Violently study." (Bruce)
"Violently sleep." (Tony)
"Violently eat." (Thor, catching on.)
"Violently murder people," Loki decided to join in.
"Violently worry about previous comment," Steve muttered.
"Take-out's here!" Bucky yelled from the kitchen. Everybody raced out, save for Peter and Loki, who was watching the boy as he waved and closed his laptop.
"Why do you wave at the mindless device?" Loki wondered out loud.
"Oh um I'm saying goodbye to the FBI agent! Y'know, the person behind the webcam... watching everything you do... listening to everything you say... so they can catch you if you're bad!"
Loki blinked.
"Yeah, it's kinda messed up-"
"YOU HAVE A HEIMDALL TOO???"
~~~~
It was the sixth day, and a Saturday, so Peter was at the Tower all day.
"So Mr Loki, what do you do in your free time at Asgard?"
"Well, there is an Asgardian culture that I invented whereby one person sets a trap or trick for the purpose of laughing at the humiliation and misfortune of others. Having seen your culture I don't think it's something-"
"You mean pranks? Yes! Let's prank the Avengers!"
*20 minutes and one conversation with Thor later*
"WHY ARE THERE SNAKES IN THIS TOILET?!"
"I DON'T KNOW BUT THIS ONE'S FULL TO THE BRIM WITH GLITTER!"
"WHO PUT THOR'S HAMMER ON THE TOILET LID?!?!"
Peter, Loki and Thor quietly snickered in the corner, hiding from the Avengers as they hunted for Thor so that at least one of the toilets on the level was usable. Then Peter ruined it when his phone went off. He smiled when he saw the caller - somebody called MJ?
"Hello, Spider-hotline, what's your emergency?"
...
"What do you mean you're being murdered? That's illegal. People can't do that!" Peter giggled and left to go talk to this mysterious 'MJ' who was being murdered, leaving Loki and Thor to run away from the Avengers alone.
~~~~
It was Loki's last day at the tower, much to everybody's dismay. Even Tony, who had been the most apprehensive about the idea, had enjoyed the week.
They'd just finished breakfast when Natasha looked out of the window and sighed. "Guys, they're back."
Everyone rushed over and there were some groans as they all saw who had set up shop in front of Stark Tower.
"What are those creatures?" Loki whispered to Peter, who replied,
"Girl Scouts. They sell cookies to raise money for charity and they always come here because they know the Avengers are an easy sell."
Even as he spoke, Steve and Tony were in a heated argument, whilst everybody else jumped up and down, chanting "COOKIES! COOKIES! COOKIES!"
Steve grumbled something about the price, but Tony managed to get away and opened a window, dropping $100 out and yelling "Bring 'em up!"
After they'd finished signing autographs for excited Girl Scouts and eating their cookies, everybody went their own way for a while. It was only an hour before Loki and Thor were due to depart that Peter looked up and said, "hey, has anyone seen Loki?"
They all split up to investigate, but everyone came running into the lab when they heard Peter scream. Loki's mangled body was lying in the middle of the floor. Peter was kneeling by him, sobbing his heart out.
Bruce got out his phone. "Timer starts now!"
"I say two months," said Steve
"Bull. One month." Tony.
"Nah, half a month," Clint wagered.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MR LOKI JUST DIED," Peter screamed.
Thor scratched his beard, ignoring Peter. "A week."