The sun had already fully arisen on the blue blanket of the sky and was shining over the pink haired boy who was outside the yard and looking for Soobin desperately. He and Seokjin were getting out of the building when they noticed that Soobin was no longer with them and started looking for him separately. They had already checked the building and were now scanning the outside environment, but he was still nowhere in sight. However, Yeonjun stopped in his tracks when he ran towards the back side of four massive walls and saw the blue haired male on the other side, his head turning around confusingly, making him look like a lost puppy as he was searching for Yeonjun himself too. He stopped when he saw the pink haired boy in front of him, many feet away from him and Yeonjun's lips curled up into a faint smile because he figured that the younger was looking for him as well. Soobin wanted to run towards him as soon as he glimpsed him and hug him with his entire strength, but he knew, whatever his heart was begging for, was utterly impossible.
"Go, put it on him when you meet him in hell"
His deadly words rang in his mind and brought a lot of emotional pain to him and even though they had many beautiful memories too with each other, those words still had ability to block their way towards each other. There was no chance he would ever manage to be with him again, because after what Yeonjun said about Kai, any step taken towards him would only disrespect his dead boyfriend's soul and Soobin wasn't a kind of person who would still do it despite being aware of the offence. Maybe it was his chance to say goodbye to Yeonjun and maybe it was the last time they were seeing each other. Soobin knew one thing for sure, he didn't want to leave any more bad memories about him into older's mind, he wanted them to break up once and for all peacefully, even though his heart was begging for the opposite.
"You'll be cold like that", Soobin muttered as he planted his face in older's neck, breathing in the dazzling scent of him, which Yeonjun definitely felt and caused his lips to curl up into a small smile for some reason.
"I won't, I'm feeling fine", he uttered, strengthening his arms around the younger even more and burying his face into his neck, feeling snug and safe from cold in younger's arms even though the cold rain was pouring crazily over them.
Were the memories meant to fade away like that? Soobin still remembered every feeling and sensation which were erupting in his body when they first kissed each other under the teardrops of the sky and through its deep thoughts which were engulfing their bodies in grey smokes. Even though many bad things happened, he had never regretted any second of it, because older's lips tasted like the sweetest candies and they were enough to fill his heart with beautiful flowers blossoming inside him, but now his heart was feeling heavy. It was sitting like a rock in his chest as he was stepping towards the older boy who was looking at him with an unknown gaze while his feet were dragging him too towards the younger boy. Every inch which were separating them from one another, felt like the longest road for them and minutes were feeling like ages. Even though they were the best things to each other they could ever land their eyes upon, their hearts still knew they could never be connected again despite the fact that they were beating only for each other. Yeonjun wasn't going to cry this time, because he had already cried enough, he wasn't going to beg, because he had already begged enough. His lips were just smiling faintly at the blue haired boy in front him as if it was the best thing he could say goodbye to him with.
"Why are you looking sad?"
"Because I don't want to leave you ever"
"Then you don't have to", Yeonjun replied, his eyebrows furrowing slightly at younger's sudden confession.
"But things don't always work in our favor"
. . .
"I'm sorry if I ever hurt you, because I will never want that", Soobin uttered, his voice cracking in the end while Yeonjun kept staring up at him with still a dumbfounded face as he was trying to process his words, "I'm sorry if I ever fail you, hyung, but always know that it will never be my fault, the life will be the one to be blamed, because it's ruthless, very cruel"
. . .
"Stop faking a smile, it only brings pain"
And now when Yeonjun was the one who was faking a smile, he knew he had never been so right in his life, because it hurt like hell looking into his love's eyes and reading in them that he would never be able to touch him again. He didn't know how to express that unbearable pain, because he knew there was no way tears would manage to contain it. That was why he was beaming instead, smiling his pain away. And it did hurt, there were ants shredding his heart with their huge teeth which were staining in his poisoned blood.
"I'm not faking a smile to try to cheer myself up. I'm trying to make you feel at least a bit better. I'll never be happy again and I don't want you to stay dead throughout the rest of your life too and live like a ghost"
But Soobin still left him alone to the cruel life, to live like a ghost from now on, because his heart would never be fixed again, Soobin was taking away every possibility of healing with himself and now his eyes were glistening beautifully with moisture, exactly like Soobin's ones. The younger boy could feel something troubling his heart again, but it wasn't enough for him, he wanted to feel more, he wanted to feel a real pain. He was curious how it would hurt physically to have his loved one so hopeless and destroyed in front of him, but no, life hated him too much to let him feel that when he needed it the most. There was nothing in the world which could hurt worse than that, because his one love was laying deep in the ground and the second one was doing everything not to break down in front of him once more.
"Just follow me and I'll bring both of us to life, okay?"
"I'm sorry", the younger boy murmured in a faint voice, "I failed"
Yeonjun softly nodded his head, "Yes", he agreed, his voice filled with pain but adoration was even more in that, "But you still gave me the best moments of my life and I don't regret any second of that"
Soobin looked down after hearing his words, because he couldn't hold his eyes back from tearing up. What was the point in having good memories if they were meant only to hurt anyways?
"We were never meant for each other, were we?", Yeonjun asked with that pained smile again which was killing younger's heart, because he didn't want the older boy to smile like that. It was even harder for him than seeing his tears because it was exposing how much broken he was when Soobin had promised to fix his heart. He had never failed in anything so violently before and it was worse than death. He was feeling like shit and he wanted to rip his heart out of his chest in order to not feel or hear it beating anymore, because that was exactly what he had promised his love, to be with him till his heart was still alive and wasn't it meant to stop finally? It was bringing nothing but a terrible agony to him, and he didn't even know what he was supposed to live for after that. He had lost his first love, his father, his life and now he was losing his second love too, and Taehyun? He had his own life with Beomgyu and Soobin was alone, totally lonesome and his life had become nothing, but only prison filled with dark colors.
Soobin's hand reached for his pocket and slipped into it, pulling out the beautiful ring with his shaky fingers which threw poisoned arrows into older's heart immediately and he couldn't help tears forming in his eyes anymore.
"I want to gift you with everything you love, I want to give you the entire world. I want to spend every minute with you after that and give you my future"
Tears spilled down Yeonjun's face as Soobin's words rang in his mind, and he clapped his palm over his mouth to muffle a cry which was willing to escape his lips, but Yeonjun wasn't letting it as he was suppressing it deeply in his body. He lost his life when he took it off with his own will and emptied his heart like his finger. "I know", Soobin started as he sniffled and started to suppress his tears, "Maybe we were never meant for each other but this is meant to be yours because I bought it for you and only you", he said, trying not to cry as he gently held older's cold hand and placed the ring in his palm timidly, not daring to put it on his finger and even the touch of it caused storm to uprise in older's heart as he stared into younger's eyes with bloodshot orbs which were begging for mercy, "Like my heart. It's staying with you too. Don't put the ring on, only keep it as a sign of our love because those flames will never be extinguished in my heart"
Yeonjun had never felt so much regret before. How bad is it when you want to go back into the past and fix something but you know that it's impossible? How much can it break your heart? If Yeonjun had managed to keep his mouth shut on that night, it wouldn't be happening now. His heart wouldn't cry with bloody tears because he could feel how those teardrops were burning him from inside. And even the sun above them, which was shining so joyfully and throwing its rays over them, had no power to fix anything and brighten up their lives like it was lightening up the whole environment. The eternal darkness had settled in both males' hearts and they knew even if one day there would be ten suns shining together on the sky, their lights would never reach them again. They were doomed to live in the gloom of the deadly dark night during the rest of their lives because there was no light, if there was no heart.
Yeonjun sniffled and wiped his tears as he squeezed the little ring in his palm, remembering how happy he was when Soobin was slipping it over his finger and promising him his entire life. But he wasn't feeling angry now, because Soobin had right to leave him, Yeonjun deserved this, but did Soobin deserve too such a great pain too?
The older boy looked into his tearful eyes and Soobin stared deeply into his orbs, sharing the most painful but also the most affectionate gaze with him, because he knew he would never be able to look into his tortured soul like that again which was still amazingly beautiful even though it was covered with scars. "So this is a goodbye?", Yeonjun said in a wobbly voice as he ran his wrist against his cheeks to wipe his tears once more, because he wasn't supposed to cry, he was supposed to say goodbye with only a smile.
Soobin nodded his head as he fought off his tears and Yeonjun drew his lips in a thin line, chewing on his bottom lip to hold back his sobs, because he was feeling already how they were stuck in his throat and choking him brutally. "Can I hug you?", he asked, hoping Soobin wouldn't refuse him because he would never forgive himself if he left him without feeling his warmth for the last time.
Sobin didn't answer him and Yeonjun was about to lose hope when a pair of strong arms wrapped around his body and pulled him in the warm and tight embrace. It was so hard to hide their tears, because nothing could hurt worse than that. It was as strong and emotional as their first hug, when Yeonjun was crying on younger's shoulder because of Beomgyu. How would he imagine on that day where that simple embrace could lead him to? Every heartbreak seemed worse than the last one, and Yeonjun always used to think that nothing could happen worse, but all the time, he turned out too wrong.
"Did you put on those clothes on purpose?", Soobin said with a little, nervous laugh when they drew back, causing Yeonjun to notice what he was wearing. Memories of that night when he found the younger boy swimming in his own blood, flashed his mind and he couldn't help but smile in pain as he gently shook his head. Life really seemed full of surprises.
"Looks like-", he started as he traveled his eyes towards the blue haired boy in front of him, but instead of seeing him, older's eyes fixed on the figure behind him and his face drained from every color in just a second, causing the younger boy to furrow his eyebrows.
"You okay?", he asked, but his question got answered by the voice calling his name from behind which caused him to freeze on his place as million waves of terror attacked his body in a speed of light and made him more dizzy than ever in his life before.
Soobin's eyes kept being wide from horror as he turned back to face his adoptive father who was holding a gun into his direction and was looking at him with raging and inflamed eyes. Every muscle ceased functioning in his body and Soobin had never felt so light weight before. Every memory was flashing before his eyes as he quickly held Yeonjun's hand next to him who was standing as terrorized on his place as Soobin and they didn't even have guns with them to protect themselves. Soobin was squeezing his frozen hand as if it would be able to protect him from the bullet and when the younger boy though that it was the end of him and got ready for death, Izanagi drifted his gun from him to the pink haired boy who gulped down nervously immediately and he couldn't even move a single muscle of his body while Izanagi's finger kept getting closer and closer to the trigger.
"I'll take every pain thrown in your direction. I'll be your shield"
Yeonjun was looking at the muzzle with horrified eyes and before the gunshot sound deafened the atmosphere around them, Soobin knew that it was how everything was supposed to end when he stepped in front of the older male and covered his body, ready to die right away for the sake of his life which was so dear to the younger boy.
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No one knows for sure if he's gonna get shot or not besides the author
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