I couldn't even get any audible words out. Only small squeaks followed by sobs. Me, shaking in a hospital bathroom, feeling the weight of my back against the stall door.
I couldn't face Elle right now. I didn't even want to talk to anyone else on the phone. It was too hard to get the words out right now. Heck, I was in total denial.
"Sunshine? Are you in here?" I heard. I dropped my phone and said, "Yeah..." in a barely audible voice.
"Oh my God. I had a feeling you would be in here. Katie texted me and told me what happened. I'm so, so sorry." I heard Elle say. I sighed, not wanting her to say the words one more time. I had deleted the messages, erased the news article from my search history, deleted the voicemail Katie left me.
"Don't remind me what happened. I have the breaking news for that." I said.
Elle sighed and said, "Listen, I know this must be the toughest thing you've ever had to go through, and I am so, so sorry."
"Enough with the fake apologies! Okay? You're not the one grieving a loss right now while a nurse is waiting to jab a needle into her! I need some time." I said. I opened the stall door, and Elle was crying too.
I didn't know this affected her so much.
"Elle...I'm so sorry..." I said, hugging my mom as tight as I could. Elle hugged me back even tighter and said, "No, this affects you more than it does me. I'm sorry. I'm being selfish."
"Is this about..." I started to choke on my words. "Red? You're going to miss Red?"
That's when it hit me. Red was gone. My best friend, one of the only people that saw me for me and not for my famous family was gone. The person that helped me through the crash was gone. And what hurt the most was that she died nearly that exact same way.
"Yeah, um...it's about Red. She was a good friend to you, Catlynn. She was a good kid. I really liked her." Elle said.
I started thinking about all the memories I had with Red. She played the Cat in the Hat in Seussical, only because I had pressured her for weeks to audition, and she ended up liking it. We always used to have clarinet versus saxophone battles, and saxes would always win because Red and the nerdy clarinets were outnumbered. Red would always tease Violet Gardner in Civics class, but that was before I found out they were cousins. Red was the first friend I made at god awful Hamilton Middle School. Her and Axel. Even though Cesca was the reason I switched to that school in the first place, but meeting Red made it ten times better.
I smiled, staring off into space.
"Sunshine? I just explained what happened to the nurse. We rescheduled the procedure." Elle said, putting her arm around me and snapping me out of my daydream. "We're gonna go home, you need some time to process everything."
I nodded and Elle put her arm around me and kissed my head. "I know this is the hardest thing you've ever had to go through, Sunshine. But we're all here for you, pulling for you, and that's never going to change." Elle whispered in my ear.
"Elle, I lost my best friend." I said matter-of-factly. Elle sighed and said, "I know. Hey, how about we change the subject when we get home, just to get your mind off of it."
"Yeah. I guess that'll be nice." I said softly.
__________
"I heard." Jessica said immediately as I walked in the door, ignoring Elle waving her hands frantically as to say Stop, don't. "Oh my God, Cat, I'm so sorry..."
"I don't really want to talk about it right now, if that's okay." I said, sitting on the couch. Changing the subject from Red and death and subway crashes, I said, "Hey, Jess, do you mind passing the chips?"
"Of course I don't mind, Sunshine." Jessica said, plastering a fake smile on her face. I smiled softly in response, though my smile was real.
"Cat's smiling. Look." Elle said. I looked at my mom and aunt and smiled even wider. With their support, and the support of the rest of my family and friends, I knew I would get through this. I was confident.
And as for Elizabeth Marie Ashley, my best friend in the entire world?
She'll be in my heart forever and always.
AN: I'm so, so, so, so sorry. I profusely apologize. This idea came to me at 8 in the morning while I was writing the last chapter. Next chapter will be fluff, I pinky promise. Hope you enjoyed! Catch ya later!