Sweet Love of Christmas

First Night (Part Three)

***TRIGGER WARNING: Miscarriage is mentioned in this chapter. Do not read if this will trigger you***

STEF POV

Lena is beyond beautiful. So beautiful that I can hardly take it, and as I drink more and more wine, along with a few shots of whiskey, I find myself becoming more and more affectionate as we had managed to finish off the bottle and have moved upstairs to the amazing room we were staying in.

Was this risky and what was I feeling? That I didn't know as we sit on the bed, pop open another bottle as I am most certainly feeling completely buzzed.  I can tell Lena is a tad as well as she wraps a blanket around herself, but me being me the alcohol has made me hot plus I was always rather warm-blooded as I sit facing her. She is cute in her long tee shirt and painted nails as Lena is just as I remember her. Kind, sweet, funny, but she was most certainly not this nervous seven years ago.

"After we returned to Maine, I...I found out I was pregnant," she finally admits as we had gotten way off topic earlier when she had managed to spill her wine and we had cleaned it up thus turning our conversation into all sorts of things including my life as a bartender and the crazies I dealt with on a regular basis. We even got into my life in Chicago and how I worked at pizza joint, and a rail worker.

"And I was beyond excited because, well, dummy me thought it would fix me and Will. And it did at first. He was so attentive, and we stopped fighting. He worked overtime, and I had morning sickness, but I was starting to plan out the nursery and so forth."

I bite my lower lip as I listen, and I hate where this is going. I hate it so very much because I can see the pain in her eyes. I hurt for this woman in front of me. I hate myself for not being there for her as she continues and everything in me wants to hold her so close.

"But at about 24 weeks, Will was out on the boat on a long trip. I mean, my father took the trip annually, and there was no reason for Will not to go. I was fine. I was, and...and well, by midnight, I knew I was losing the baby. My mother was with me, and she held a wash rag to my head. By the next evening, it was over, and I was devastated. I slept for probably a good three days, and when I woke up, Will was there. I didn't want to see him or talk to him. I wanted to be left alone."

I see the tears in her eyes as she shakes her head and sips her wine as I take another sip of whiskey handing it to her. "But I mean, we were over. We just knew that was it, you know? I knew. He knew. And that's that," she laughs softly. "We do talk every now and then. He moved back to Philly to work with his brother's business. He actually is talking to his childhood sweetheart, Cindy. I'm not jealous. I'm actually relieved and happy that he's happy," she smiles softly as she looks down, and I set the whiskey bottle down before I take her glass of wine and set it down too.

"Come here," I say softly as I pull her to me. I hug her closely as she wraps her arms around me, and for a moment, I close my eyes as my heart is breaking into a thousand pieces for her. While I was out driving around and trying to deal with my own issues my best friend had her heart broken. This was terrible, it was and I wanted to kick myself for not being there for her. "I'm sorry, Lena," I whisper softly as she pulls back and I cup her cheek softly and look into her eyes.

She shakes her head, "I'm okay. It's okay. I...I'm okay now, and enough about me. Tell me about you. How are you? I mean you only told me a tiny bit of your life silly!"

I sigh as I move to sit against the giant head board and pull her with me. She lays her head in my lap as I begin playing in her curls and I know she is just trying to play off how bad she feels about what happened with her baby and Will. "I'm okay. Like I told you, I'm a bit of a nomad. I can't seem to settle down for anything. But um, I'm not seeing anyone. You know about how my mother tried to set me up with Stew, and I ditched town."