supernova

32

"I don't know. I don't know. I don't FUCKING KNOW!" I paced back and forth in Amukta's room freaking the hell out.

"What don't you know? Come here. Sit down." I did as she said. "Okay,
now explain everything to me."

"So, Atlas and I are friends with benefits."

"And you didn't tell me?" she exclaimed.

"Let me finish! Anyways, we've been friends with benefits since the last time I saw you. The day before the funeral it all happened," my hands went to the necklace with my mom's ashes on impulse. "It was all okay until this one time, we were kissing in the shower, and it felt more romantic than horny, and on top of that, he's been helping me out with my mom dying and sleeps in the same bed as me, and I think I might have a tiny crush on him but I'm not going to admit that to him, even though the deal was that when one of us catches feelings we stop fucking." I was out of breath by the time I had finished the last sentence.

"When did you come to this realization?" she asked carefully. She knew relationships and feelings were a strangling topic.

"The day of Aaron's party, and I thought I could suppress them by sleeping with someone else, but apparently, Atlas didn't seem to like that. He literally started banging on the door and then dragged me home and called me 'his' or some shit. I don't remember, but oh my god, it was really hot because he fucked me right after."

"So, it's not a tiny crush, you like him," she concluded and I shushed her."

"Shh! My brain hasn't comprehended that yet. We're still in denial, and I might even go through the five stages of grief. Oh my god, I haven't had a crush since eighth grade, this is going to be horrible."

"You are dramatic."

"Says the dramatic one!"

"How good even was he?"

She knew me too well.

"Out of the seventeen people on my list, he's the only nine."

"I thought your list had thirteen people."

"January through May was a hard time for me," I argued and she nodded in an understanding manner.

"So now, you just act cool. If he wants to talk to other girls, don't show if your bothered by it."

"That's the problem! I don't know if he talks to other girls, but he doesn't like what I talk to other guys. He wants to be exclusive friends with benefits with only makes it worse."

"School starts next week, and all we can do, is act like the feelings aren't there until you want to end things."

I laid down on her bed, and put my head in her lap and she started playing with my hair.

"What happens if the feeling is mutual and then he wants a relationship. I want to say no, but I like him, and would I be able to? Yes, but I would feel horrible."

"We can't know what you're going to say until you're actually there you know."

~~
My alarm went off at four thirty, and I groaned. I woke up earlier because I wanted to head to the cemetery before school.

It was the first day of school.

My first last day of highschool.

Senior year.

I looked over at a Atlas, still asleep.

He looked so peaceful. He had beautiful lashes and eyebrows, and thick black hair. It was messy and looked so soft.