supernova

Atlas: Chapter 47

May fucking 1st.

It was three weeks after May 1st and everyone knew where Arabella and I were going to college. But we didn't know where we would go.

Arabella and I hadn't talked much lately. It had become a matter of who could create the most small talk. Our relationship was tense and it was at such a breaking point, that if we were in the same room, no one could guess we were even together.

It drove me insane.

But that didn't matter today. It had been a year since Arabella's mother had died and whether or not we had talked to each other, I was still going to see her.

I got out of my car, after sitting in her driveway for a few long minutes. I opened the door.

"Amukta, you didn't tell me you were co- oh hey Atlas," She said. She sounded nervous.

"How are you?" I asked her. I took a step closer to her. I wanted to know how she was today. I knew how she's been doing the last few weeks. Neither of us have been good, but today isn't about us.

"Good," She responded stiffly. She was a good liar. She didn't want me to think she was good. "How are you?" She asked back.

She wanted to avoid the conversation so bad.

"I'm committed to a college, you know," I blurted it out without actually meaning to, feeling like a piece of shit.

"I'm not talking about that today. Of all the days, you chose today to tell me." I know. I wanted to scream. I just want you to talk to me.

"You never talk to me." I was speaking without thinking again. There was just so much I wanted to tell her. So much I wanted to get out.

"Because I am terrified." She wasn't scared of me. She was scared of losing me. I didn't know how to respond to that because I don't think anyone had ever been scared of losing me other than my birth mother. I was too young to even comprehend that.

I broke the silence.

"For today let's forget about that. I'm sorry I was out all day. My parents both have things and they wanted me to watch Charlie and I couldn't be here today." She cut me off.

"You haven't really been here for the last three weeks. You haven't come close enough to have touched me in three weeks and we live together. You've barely said a word. I wasn't expecting you here today." Can she really blame me when she was also avoiding me? It takes two.

"You haven't said a word in three weeks!" I responded.

"I wasn't the one who didn't even bother to look at me while we ate dinner and I wasn't the one who did my own dishes and left and I wasn't the one who was already sleep by nine and out of bed by five the next morning to avoid conversation.

"You seemed to want space so I slept on the edge of that bed and I went along with it for a week. We live together as a high school couple, that's not normal. I gave you space." She seemed so sure of herself. She gave me space for three weeks? I'm allowed to take a couple days to myself, right?  But then all of a sudden she wasn't talking to me either.

Yea, I wasn't in the right, but it wasn't like she was either. We both knew why neither of us hadn't said a word to each other.

We were avoiding the real topic.

"If I avoided talking to you, I avoided having this end just for a little while longer." I took a step closer to her, but I didn't touch her.

She looked like this conversation was giving her a headache. I took a step back.