supernova

46

We went back to my house after his party ended, the both of us very exhausted. We got home around two thirty. The party ended around twelve when the restaurant kicked us out, but we hung around the parking lot for a while.

I got to talk to Aleksandra and Luis some more, and they told me all about Atlas before he moved here. He was a carbon copy of Carli. They had a similar sense of humor and style and seemed to agree on everything. Aleks and Luis are leaving tomorrow night.

I took off my makeup, brushed my teeth, and pulled on one of Atlas's large hoodies.

"Apps are due in a couple days," Atlas reminded me. I had submitted everything, of course. I nodded at him.

We weren't going to make college decisions based on each other, and to ensure that our choice was purely our own, we kept everything a secret. Neither of us knew who was applying where or for what program or anything like that, and on May 1st, Decision Day, we'd reveal it to each other. From there we'd decide what we'd do.

It wasn't good for our relationship, but it was good for us as individuals.

"Happy birthday, Atlas," I changed the topic.

"I still can't get over how good you look in my clothes. It's my birthday, but I want you in your birthday suit." I let out a laugh, stepping closer to him.  "Do you think that sweater can fit two people?" he asked.

"You wanna try it out?" I suggested. He nodded and his hands went to my waist, pinning me down on the bed.

His head moved under the sweater. "Hmm, my heads not gonna fit through the head hole," he said jokingly. Just as I thought he was gonna get out of the sweater, he kissed my stomach right above the lining of his boxers.

"Altas," My voice cracked as I let out a sigh. His lips trailed up my body, and a few seconds later he exited my sweater.

"I'm too tired for this," he said. I was going to say the same thing. It's been too long of a day, and I could use some sleep.

"Come here, birthday boy," I laughed and pulled him close to me. My hands played with his hair and I felt him relax. "I love you," I whispered once I was sure he was nearly asleep. It felt ... different to say it, not in a bad way. I don't remember the last time I told someone I was in love with them.

"I love you," he responded, his voice muffled as his head rested on my sternum.

I thought about college as I fell asleep. There was a 99.9% chance that we weren't going to college near each other, and I've made it quite clear that long distance is something I'm not going to do.

I'm sure both of us know that waiting it out is irresponsible and stupid. It'll only hurt more to wait it out, but I'd rather wait it out. The smart responsible thing to do is end a relationship with an uncertain compromised future, but I don't care to be smart right now. I can do that later.

Daniyal finally told us what happened the night of homecoming and I don't think Atlas and I stopped laughing for around ten minutes. We'd start talking about something and then look at each other and burst out laughing.

It felt so good to just laugh. Once we got back from the tattoo shop, I was slightly shaken up, but eased up after a little while.

I felt myself relax into my pillow with Atlas laying on me as I fell asleep.

~~
I woke up to kisses peppered onto my neck. I let out a groan as I pushed myself up into a sitting position on the bed.

"How do you feel being nineteen?" I asked, my voice raspy from having just woken up.  I looked into his mint green eyes and he softly smiled at me.

"If I feel the same about you, everything else should feel just about the same." His smile was almost shy. Fuck, he looked so hot. I kissed him. Morning breath can go shove a plumber up it's ass.  

"We need to get out of bed. You need to turn in your applications. I have homework."

"Come on, the only thing I wanna do right now is you."

"Stop making me horny at," I paused to look at the clock. "At nine in the morning, Phoenix. We can take a shower though," I compromised.

"Okay, get up," he hurried me out of bed and into the bathroom. The water was warm as I got in. Atlas followed, pushing me again the wall. His lips went straight to mine and went down my neck.

"Atlas," I moaned out as I flipped us around. I kissed down his chest, my tongue making circles on his neck and his chest. I ran my hands up his arms and down his chest and his abs. My fingers lingered over his 'V' as my hand went down to his dick.

My palm went over the tip of it and then my hand held onto his length as I pumped it in my hand.

Atlas let out a loud groan, moving his hips, asking me to go faster.

I stopped.

"You want it?" I asked.

"Fuck, Arabella. Yes I do."

"Beg for it." I watched as his head went back, resting on the shower wall.

"Arabella, please. Just jerk me off."

"Is that it?" I asked. "Is that all you want?" I rephrased my question.

"Arabella, just do whatever you want to me. Suck my dick, jerk it off, shove it in your pussy, I don't care. Touch me."

"Good boy," I whispered, getting onto my knees. I took him into my mouth, and looked up at him. "Look at me," I demanded as I took him back into my mouth. I went up and down, swirling my tongue around his length and tip, rubbing it up and down. My hands cupped his balls, before I took the entirety of him inside me.

"Arabella, fuck. Shit." he moaned out.

"Does that feel good?" I asked. He nodded. "Use your words, baby. How good does it feel?"

"Really good," he choked out. I took him back into my mouth as he responded and went faster. Letting his hips jerk forward and fuck my mouth. I let him cum in my mouth and swallowed it as I got up from my knees.

"You tired?" I asked and he shook his head no, but he looked exhausted. "We need to get out of here or else you'll never get your stuff turned in," I reminded him.

"You're gonna kill me," he said trying to keep a straight face.

"I just made you cum. If anything, I just improved your life span," I laughed at myself and then tensed at Atlas's response.

"More time to spend with you." I felt Atlas tense against me at his words too. I laughed it off, and felt him relax.

Would I have been so bothered if he and I probably weren't going to separate after Decision Day?

I don't know the answer to that, and it doesn't matter because that's not happening. I don't worry about hypothetical situations. I want to so bad. For once, I wanna think about what could've been, but I can't. I don't because it hurts less that way.

It shouldn't bother me the way it does, but the fact that I don't know the answer to it let me know how much harder this is going to be.

"We should get out." I say to Atlas.

"Yea, we should," he agrees.

We don't move. We don't say a word or take a step away from each other.

There's so much I want to tell him. I want to throw my arms around him and tell him I'm going to miss him, and that I don't want to leave.

But I have to. We all have to move on at some point. Atlas and I need to move on from highschool like everyone else. Even if it means moving on from each other.

I don't want him to move on. I don't want him with other women and I don't want him away from me, but I refuse to do long distance. I'm putting my foot down there, so it doesn't matter what I do or don't want.  There are two ways this can go and neither includes long distance.

We got out of the shower and as Atlas finished up his submissions, I finished up the rest of my homework.

~~
not me spoiling yall with two updates today:)