The Marauders: A Muggle AU

James

It is late at night but I don't care. I climb to Lily's window. She's been avoiding me. Ever since the incident with Sna... Arrg I can not ever mention his name. I feel bloody guilty. He was going to kill himself. And part of it, is my fault. I took Lily away from him. I treated him badly. I have nightmares about that day. The scene repeats itself on my brain. The bloody gun pointing me. Peter dropping to the floor.

I didn't tell mom the whole story. It would have frighten her. She is still vulnerable with dad's death. Me too, I reckon. I told her some burglar hurt Peter and that he is fine now. 

I knock on Lily's window carefully. I don't want to wake up her sister or her little nephew. She opens the curtains. I can see that she has puffy eyes. I smile at her. And she opens the window. 

"Hello beautiful" I whisper

"What are you doing here James?" 

"I think we should talk" I say "And I miss you" 

She smiles slightly and lets me in. I've never been in her room before. Beige walls. A little white bed. Full of stuffed animals. Pictures of what it seems to be Lily's parents. And pictures of Dudley. 

Lily sits down on her bed and I do it as well. She doesn't look at me. I grab her hand.

"What's wrong?" I ask "You have been avoiding me" 

The day we took Peter to the hospital, Lily cried and cried. Not only she was worried for Peter, but she was worried for her friend Severus. I'm pretty sure.

"Everything is my fault" she says. Her voice breaking. 

"What are you talking about?" 

"I shouldn't have left him alone" 

I sigh closing my eyes. 

"I feel guilty as well" I say. She looks at me. Her eyes glistening for the tears. "But it is not our fault. We didn't do anything bad" 

She doesn't answer. It seems that I'm trying to convince myself. 

"He was broken Lily. There's nothing we could have done to fix him" 

"I'm a bad friend" she cries. My blood boils. I make her look at me.

"Lily that's not true" I say "You were always there for him, okay? You didn't do anything wrong. It was him that didn't accept your decisions. He only used you" 

"He needed me James" she starts sobbing on my chest "Perhaps I..." 

"What?" I think the worse "You shouldn't have been with me? What we have is a mistake?" I have tears on my eyes as well. 

She shakes her head. She wipes away my tears. 

"No" she says "What I feel for you couldn't feel any better" 

I kiss her slowly but showing her how much I love her. 

"It's not your fault" I stroke her hair "Severus is fine, Peter is fine" 

Lily just nods.

"Severus was going through the wrong path anyways. With the drug he was selling and all" 

Lily sniffs "I just wish none of this would've happened to him" 

"Me too" and I mean it. Sometimes life is unfair for good people: Sirius, Reggie, Peter, Remus, my father, even Severus. Perhaps he didn't know better. 

"Will you stay with me?" Lily says

"Sure beautiful" I kiss her head.

We lay down on her bed. She stays on my chest. I love her and I love this.