The Marauders: A Muggle AU

Sirius

AN: ⚠️ Depression, Anxiety, Rage and Low self-esteem

I pace through my room. Everything here, everything in this bloody house reminds me of him. Of Fleamont. I know he wasn't my father. I know I shouldn't feel like this. James must feel worse. But I can't avoid feeling something on my chest.

Fleamont wasn't my father. I don't have happy memories of him. Of him teaching me to ride the bike for the first time, him tucking me at night, him telling me stories before sleep, or him giving me advice on life.

And that's what pisses me off. That I don't have a father like that. That Fleamont is not my father to grief. If my own father died, I reckon I wouldn't give a shit. I would feel kind of relieved. People like him are the ones that should die. Not good people like Fleamont.

I overheard Regulus talking with mother. On the phone. He said he was still thinking about it. About what? I wondered. So I picked up the other phone and I heard. The wicked witch. She wants to take Regulus to Paris. 

"I can't leave Sirius mother" Reggie said

"Forget about your brother, Regulus. He is unstable. He is going to abandond you" 

"He is not..." 

"I heard Mr. Potter died" she said without pity or remorse "Who is going to take care of you? Mrs. Potter is too old, probably gonna die soon. Their son is a little reckless. And Sirius? Sirius only thinks about himself. And don't forget about his rages. Only me, honey. Only your mother could be there for you" 

I hanged the phone after that. I hate the fucking wicked witch. I hate Regulus. I hate everyone. 

I put on some rock to calm myself. Not David Bowie. His music reminds me of Moony. My Moony. And I don't want to be sad. I am pissed. I keep drinking and drinking some whiskey that doesn't do me shit. I smoke a lot to. Nobody seems to be working. I have that feeling on my throat. I want to hit, kick, punch, and kill. I haven't felt this way since I left Grimmaund Place. I hate this. I hate me. I'm the worst.

I need some air. I need to hit something or I will do something I will regret. I drink the rest of my whiskey. And put on my jacket. I go downstairs. Fuck. I don't have my motorcycle anymore. I left it at Grimmaund Place when I ran away. And I don't dare to go back for it. Which pisses even more. 

"Sirius?" 

Is James. He is in the living room. Wearing pijamas. Is the middle of the night and he haven't been sleeping these days. He is also smoking.

"Where are you going?" 

"I need to go out" I shake of rage. I feel tears burning on my eyes. I want to leave before James sees me like this.

"Is the middle of the night" he says 

"So?"

"Sirius. I know you" he says "You're upset. And when you are upset you do stupid things"

"THAT'S NOT YOUR BUSINESS" I yell "I'm not perfect and well behaved like you" 

Shit I really need to get away. 

"I never said that" James continues "Just calm down, okay? Let's talk" 

I shake my head. I'm about to cry. I can't let him see me cry. 

"What's going on?" Regulus comes down yawning.

Shit. I don't want to see him.

"So now you're worried about me? You fucking asshole" I say to my brother.