More Than What Meets the Eye-Oscar Diaz-On My Block

86

Now that I am close to my due date, I couldn't believe how much I have grown. This pregnancy brought out the raw and ugly truths that I just wanted to run away from and bury in the back of my mind.

It's made me take a good look at what I want out of this life and it's made me grow and work towards becoming the type of person who deserves it. It also brought out insecurities and negative thoughts and battles I mentally have with not telling Oscar about it. And although I struggle with that decision I consciously made, I had a constant reminder for the fact that I did what I did to protect this baby. This decision was just a pothole of a wrong turn that I know I won't ever forget and not a dead end as my mind reminded.

Even though Oscar wouldn't have any part of this kid's life as long as he is committed to the gang life, this new love made me fall in love with the beautiful revelation of what being in actual love is like. It's helped me to appreciate parts of who I love, in a new light.

"Maybe you should give Nate a chance?"

My head whipped to Juliana as she shrugged her shoulders and was kicking back on the couch across from me.

"Excuse me?" I questioned.

"I'm just saying, he has been here every day helping your grandmother out and has helped your pregnant ass out even though your independent ass keeps on rejecting it; maybe you should go out with him?"

"Nah..." I responded, "I don't have any time for love right now considering I am going to have a baby in like the next month."

"Funny how eight months flew by," Juliana said.

"Life continues on as it always has, hurried and unavoidable," I answered, "and next month a new life will be apart of his household. Nate doesn't need a baby mama holding him down with a new baby."

"So will you date again?"

"I will just not right now," I responded, "I am solely focused on my baby."

"It doesn't have to be you though," she mentioned while averting her eyes away from my direction and towards the ceiling, "I get that you are trying to protect this baby from the Gang life but not telling the father is fucked up."

I sighed as I shuffled myself so that my back was turning towards her. Again with the same lecture, I really didn't want to hear it from her. I didn't need her to tell me something I fight in my mind every day and try to reason with every second of the day for the past eight months. I won't lie and say that a small part of me did do the shit I did with spite because Oscar got a girl pregnant but that was a mere 5% of the reason, the other 95% was because of the gangs! I would know considering I worked beside them. I can't even fathom my child being apart of that life. So what if I did tell Oscar about this child-what if the child is a boy and he grows up and Oscar is still in the gangs, then what, my child would be initiated by his father like he did his little brother? Fuck outta here with anyone who thinks I made a fucked up decision, I did what I did to protect my child. A child I never planned for but a child who had stolen my heart the moment I had learned about him/her.

"I'm surprised you didn't learn about the baby's gender?"

"I just want to be surprised," I answered simply.

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Oscar's POV

Eight months and nothing about her whereabouts or how she is doing. He wished he could just tell her everything that has happened.

"These are your territories. as long as you stay in your territories you have nothing to worry about," Oscar mentioned, "You have my word. We've had our head on a swivel for too long-no mas. We work together to clip problems before they become problems. You good?"

"Yeah." the young gang member said, "I wanna make it to my 16th birthday."

As soon as he and his crew left, Sad Eyes was about to walk out. "I'm going to make that run now," he said. "Ay Te Wacho" Sad eyes said as Oscar knocked on wood.

"You're getting played, those kids don't want peace," Cesar said.

"Peace is good for business," Oscar replied.

"Well, what happens when the Prophets get out of jail? Or a new gang pops up? You're not naive," Cesar said. I've never seen him so paranoid after a little victory.

"That's right. I'm not" Oscar spoke "and there will always be issues, but I'm sick of this game. Someone has to take the first step."

Cesar scoffed "first step or first slip-they know you're soft. You're a target now."

"Hermano" Oscar chuckles and placed his hand on Cesar's shoulder but he instantly pushed it off. "It's a new day. I don't need this shit. I want adult problems."

Cesar only chuckled at him.

"I want to own a house, have a wife, a kid-everything I could be having with Selena right now if I had just gotten out of this life" He smiled and looked at Cesar, "But, all I have right now is resentment and missed opportunities. I don't want that shit no more. It's time to give it away and start a new chapter." He chuckled and walked over to me and smiled.

"What if someone takes your power?" Cesar questioned. "Let him" Oscar shrugged as he made his way back to his room. "You taught me the real power is all up here." He smirked and pointed to his head, "I am going to use it to try to find Selena."

"How?" Cesar questioned, "You have no leads"

"I don't but I know she is somewhere in Calabasas and knowing her, her crew is out there as well," Oscar said, "With the Cuchillo shit out the way, I could finally leave Freeridge to check the area out."

"What about Sad eyes or the other guys? Let them go," Cesar said.

"It has to be me," Oscar mentioned, "I have to explain to her how Seidy fucked up and lied about me being the father to her child, I have to let her know everything that happened with the Cuchillos, I need to do it to show her that I want to be apart of the dream she acheived."

"What if she is with someone else? I mean it has been eight months," Cesar asked.

"Then we can talk about co-parenting, but I guess I won't find out until I see her," Oscar said.