More Than What Meets the Eye-Oscar Diaz-On My Block

82

I was tired, no I was mentally drained and believe me when I am saying that the hormones weren't doing this to me. I pushed my hair back and sighed. Everything was set and 10 days from today; my grandmother and I would be out of Freeridge and in Calabasas. I

"How did all this get in here?" I asked myself as I was packing my clothes in the box. Going through each clothing I looked at them and instantly thought, "I don't even wear half this shit."

Every little box, shelf, or otherwise able compartment for filling items proves to me that I am a "pack rat". Be it old movie ticket stubs, costume jewelry I never wear, or an accumulation of key chains I never use...there is just so much random junk. The worst part is that at that moment I truly cannot recall the last time I saw these items.

I didn't even know why this was a new revelation considering that Juliana often found shit I never wore and force me to wear them.

But on the positive side, this move was great. Compared to the emotional ups and downs of dealing with a major event of finding out that Oscar got the girl he was using as a decoy to protect me pregnant along with myself, the particulars of moving this soon were enough to drive me mad.

But instead of walking through the emotional and physical stress of actually moving your belongings from point A to point B, I want to brush up on some of the initial thoughts and stresses that come about when packing for the big move.

Purging is essential and I am more than willing to do it. It is easy at first and I feel as though a ton of weight has been lifted off of me with each item you toss to the "give away" pile. Similar to that decision I made with Oscar and breaking up with him on the spot when Seidy confessed her pregnancy.

I knew I probably should have heard him out. I mean the look on his face was filled with fear considering that was something for someone like him-respected gang leader. Did the thought of having a baby scare him? But something also told me to let him go, he needed to focus on taking care of this child he made with her...and focus on his newfound priorities.

"But what about my child?"

I didn't want my child to grow up in an environment like this. And since Oscar infidelities and priorities are all over the place. It would be best to not let him know about this child. As far as I am concerned, I am a single parent.

I packed more items into my box until I came across a necklace, a silver chain with a cross. Oscar's necklace...an item that held such sentimental value and yet I struggle for fifteen minutes over whether or not I could truly handle the thought of never seeing it again.

I guess the fact that I had to contemplate this made this very hard. I still love him.

"Fuck..."

I mumbled a bunch of other expletive things and choked on her sobs. I sniffled quietly, tears threatening to spill from my eyes. But who was I kidding? The Streams of tears flowed faster than my heartbeat. Tears of pain running down my cheeks. I bled the salt of my soul and as it pours from my eyes.

"Fucking asshole..."