Heavy is the Cost: Russia X Reader

29) I'm sorry

bea finished prewriting another chapter so now u guys get one too :3

River stares out the window in awe. Even though he can hardly make out the details of the ground while being thirty-five thousand feet up in the cabin of the diplomatic plane, it still fascinates him. 

"Should we just leave you up here in the sky?" Y/n asks with a soft smile on her face. 

"It's really pretty though!" He says with a sparkle in his eyes. 

She laughs quietly before going back to reading her book again. 

River studies for a moment, as long as he can without seeming suspicious. He goes back to coloring pictures as he thinks. 

Russia and Y/n weren't really talking to each other. One moment they had been fine, the next, they were hardly saying a word. The tensions were unbearable at times. 

The child finishes his picture and goes to Russia, who is sitting in another seat nearby, but not next to his wife. 

"What is it?" The tall country asks calmly as River climbs up next to him. 

"This," The child hands him the picture, which was the three of them all holding hands. 

Russia smiles and takes the drawing. But he looks sad at the same time. 

"Thank you, River," He says while ruffling the young country's hair. "This is very nice," 

"You're welcome!" River stays puts next to the taller figure, looking out the window near him instead. "Are we gonna fly over the ocean?" 

"That's where the Aurora is," Russia tells him. 

"You can't land a plane on a boat," The child remarks in disbelief. 

"You'll see," He chuckles. 

"Russia, why aren't you talking to Y/n?" River asks more quietly than before so that the woman can't hear. 

Russia looks away, as if contemplating on a response. 

"It's...nothing..." He mutters. 

"If it's nothing then you should me talking to her," The child adds. 

"River, it's a little more complicated than that," Russia says quietly. "Please don't worry about it," 

River huffs a little, but doesn't press further. 

He instead goes to Y/n and asks for the same information, but it once more met with deflection and a 'don't worry about it'.

Defeated, River curls up in her lap and decides to sleep for the rest of the flight. 

Russia stares at Y/n and River as they sleep on a couch nearby. He gazes fondly at his wife for a while before remembering their...earlier conversation. 

"Why didn't you tell me?!" 

"Because we didn't even plan! We agreed to wait and I didn't mean to-"

"That's no excuse Y/n! You should have told me that you were pregnant!" 

"Well it doesn't matter now, does it?! Because the baby's dead Russia!" 

The explosion had caused enough stress to terminate the pregnancy. It was why Y/n was double self conscious, mainly with her stomach. 

Russia can't help but feel a bit guilty. He told Y/n that she could talk to him about anything, and then had proceeded to yell at her for what she said. 

Losing her child was what had caused her to get so attached to River. 

Meanwhile, the poor child was just confused as to what happened between them.

The tall county tries to push all of the thoughts away. He leans his head back and closes his eyes. 

Y/n only manages to sleep for about an hour. She wakes up to River dozing peacefully in her lap. Smiling, her arm takes ahold of her sketchbook laying nearby. 

The woman is careful not to wake the sleeping child as she begins drawing. It had been a while since she had drawn something with actual motivation put into it. Learning to draw with her non-dominant hand had discouraged her from drawing seriously. Only a few minor sketches had come since her injury. 

Y/n lets her hand take control, letting it draw whatever it wanted without her putting much thought into what she was making. 

It was as if she only blinked before a drawing was on the paper. Her and River and Russia, semi-realistic with just a little cartoony mixed in. 

She's so preoccupied with the picture that she doesn't realize Russia is awake and staring at her. He goes unnoticed until he stands up and walks over. 

"Hi..." He says quietly and awkwardly while taking a seat on the opposite end of the couch. 

"Hi..." Y/n replies in the same tone. Her voice is soft so that she doesn't wake up River. 

"I haven't seen you draw for a while..." Russia mumbles. 

"I guess..." She closes the sketchbook. "Can I help you...?" Her voice is laced with a hint of bitterness, but mostly guilt. Guilt for losing the baby. 

"I wanted to tell you sorry..." He says. "For yelling," 

"It's fine..." 

Russia can hear the sadness in her voice. He frowns and looks away. 

"I really am...I was angry...I still sorta am, but...I hate being mad at you,"

"I do too..." Y/n sighs as she begins running her fingers through River's hair. He stirs a little, but only to move closer before settling again. "But...I'm still a bit upset..." 

He looks away guiltily. "I know..." 

"Don't do that," She says sternly. 

"What?" 

"Look so cute when you're pouting," 

Russia looks back and sees a small smile tugging at her lips. He smiles back. "Can we talk more once we're at the Aurora?" 

Y/n nods. "Now come over here, it's cold," 

He moves next to her and wraps an arm around her waist. His other is wrapped around River, all-in-all holding both of them protectively. 

His wife lays her head on his chest, but the movement causes the child country between them to wake up this time. 

"Y/n...?"

"Sorry," She kisses the top of his head. "Go back to sleep," 

River looks lazily up at Russia. "Are you guys talking to each other again...?" 

"We are," The taller country replies. "Don't worry anymore," 

"Okie..." The child puts his head back down and quickly drifts off again. 

Russia kisses his wife's forehead. "You get some rest too, we still have a few hours until we make it to the Aurora," 

"Alright..." Y/n sighs a little before relaxing against him. "Goodnight Russia," 

"Goodnight Y/n,"