Fighting Handsome Satan (book 1)

Chapter 75

No one ever tells you what losing the love of your life is actually like. Like they do, but they don't. It is much different than losing a family member or a friend that I can tell you. For starters, you can't breath like someone is standing on your chest or holding your throat. You gasp for air, desperate to fill your lungs but they still feel like you aren't getting any air, no matter how much you breathe in. You also feel nauseous as the reality sets in. Your head is spinning, your eyes can't focus, your mouth is dry, your ears are ringing, your entire body feels heavy like you have 100 weighted blankets piled on top of you. But the worst part is your heart. It feels like someone has opened up your chest and is squeezing it. The emotional heartache causes actual physical pain. I have never been hit by a bus like Regina George, but I would switch with her in a heartbeat. The pain of the loss is too much and I fear my body just can't handle it all.

My ears are still ringing and I am holding my eyes shut as tightly as possible. I am scared to look. I can't have the last time I even see Matt be like this, I just can't. I feel Aaron climb off of me and I hear noises but I can't make them out, it is like listening to someone talking underwater. I remain curled on the floor, eyes shut. I think I am crying? I can't really tell.

Someone picks me up, I assume it is Aaron? Maybe it is Dimitri. I move my hands to cover my ears not waiting to hear the muffled chaos around me. I feel like I am dying and I just need quiet.

The person holding me sets me down on the bed and grabs my hands, pulling them away from my ears. Nadia is crying. I can hear that clearly as the ringing subsides a little. I fight to cover them again not wanting to hear them. Part of me wants to get up and curl my body into Matt's one more time. Kiss him for the last time. But the other part of me knows the sight in front of me will drive me insane. The last image I have of Matt being him bleeding out on the cold, concrete floor.

I hope it was quick. I hope he didn't feel anything. I hope he knows how much I love him, even if I never said it.

There is a voice talking to me but as the pain engulfs me, my entire body shaking, I struggle to hear. I can't make out the words or who owns the voice as I spiral into a pit of sadness and despair.

"Sydney, open your eyes! Sydney!" the voice screams as I thrash around trying to get my hands out of their grip. I know that voice.

My eyes shoot open and I look straight into the beautiful hazel eyes in front of me. His head is bleeding and his hair is all matted but he still is the most perfect sight in the world. "Matt."

"Hi my baby girl," he whispers, kissing my lips gently. I pull him into my body, my arms and legs wrapping around him trying to get as close as physically possible. I feel like I am on cloud nine as I slowly kiss Matt, a feeling I thought I had lost forever.

I pull away still only looking at him. "But if you're ok, then...?" I look at him confused. I turn to look around the room at everyone else but Matt blocks my view.

"Don't look. I don't want you seeing that baby." I don't put up a fight, trusting Matt. I know he has my best interest at heart so I put aside my pride and for once just listen to him.

"I am confused," I whine, my brain still struggling to process. I lay down on the bed taking deep breaths as Matt rubs my back to comfort me. Aaron comes over and I look at him as he hands Matt a gun. Where the fuck did that come from? That is different from the one Dimitri had.

"You know how to use it?" Aaron asks, making sure the safety is on.

"Sort of, yeah I can manage," Matt replies, tucking it into the back of his jeans.

"Where is that from?" I choke out, my mind still struggling to piece everything together. If Matt is alive, Aaron is standing here, I am ok, and Nadia is crying then that means. . . Dimitri. He is the one that got shot. By who? How? What!?