Fighting Handsome Satan (book 1)

Chapter 59

"I need to go." Matt rushes out of the room, pushing past everyone. I try to run after him but Julia stops me.

"What is going on!? Explain now." I watch Matt head down the stairs and battle if I should stay and explain to her or chase after him. Either way I lose. Either I stay here and talk to Julia, my cousin, and let Matt get away, or chase after Matt, the man I love, and leave my cousin here. I already know my choice but it doesn't bring me any comfort.

"We have been hooking up since October. Julia please I will tell you everything I swear but I need to go after him!" Amanda and Tyler are looking between me and the stairs not sure if they should interfere or not.

Julia grabs me again as I attempt to run after Matt. "October! And you never told me! Since when do we keep secrets from each other!? I tell you everything!"

I know Julia is mad and with good reason, but that doesn't give her the right to make me seem like the bad cousin. "Like hell we do," I roar slightly pushing her away from me, "you didn't tell me about Kyle, you didn't tell me about you and Matt, and you didn't tell me they knew about Aaron!" I found out my friends knew about Aaron last week on accident. They were all over and Kyle absentmindedly asked "Oh, is that him?" while looking at a picture of Aaron and I. I am not mad they know because back then they were her friends only and I told all my friends so why should I expect anything different of her. The issue is she told them to not let me know they knew.

"Sydney please," she gasps, tears welling up in her eyes.

"You had our friends lie to me! You kept secrets from me about a guy you knew I liked! You had a crush on a guy for God knows how long and never told me! Julia, I kept one thing from you that I kept from pretty much everyone in the world, but you kept things from me that literally everyone else knew."

"Stop trying to deflect Sydney, this is about you! You fucked up! Why didn't you tell me?" she is screaming back at me, both of us crying. Even now, angry at her and feeling like things are shattering around me, I want to hug her and make things ok.

"I don't know! Because I liked having Matt as my little secret safe from the rest of the world! Because things were safer for him if no one knew we were anything more than friends! Because I love him and I can't see him get hurt like Aaron!" The second the words leave my mouth everyone gasps. I am guessing this is how Hardin's friends looked outside the frat when he screamed it. It is the first time I have said the words out loud and I feel relieved but also sick to my stomach.

Julia looks at me and in a quiet but strong voice says, "Everyone split up, we need to find Matt right away."

I am still standing there stunned by my own confession. Everyone runs down the stairs to try to save my relationship while I stay glued in place. Julia grabs me and tries to pull me but my legs won't work. "Sydney you need to move! You need to find him! Sydney please move!" She is screaming but my body won't listen to my brain.

Julia slaps me across the face, not hard but enough to get my attention. "I am sorry Julia," is all I can muster as we begin to run down the stairs.

"I know baby me too, we will talk about this tomorrow. Right now we need to find Matt." When we get to the bottom of the stairs I scan the room in hopes of finding him. I don't see him but I do see Tom so I run over to him without hesitation.

"Where is your best friend!?" I yell, cutting off his conversation with some girl I don't recognize.

"I have no idea, what is wrong?" I scan the room again while Tom looks at me waiting for an answer. "Sydney, is he ok?"

"I fucked up Tom, I need to find him now!" Tom nods and runs off to help find Matt. I start asking around if anyone has seen him and one drunk freshman says he went outside. I run outside figuring he just went out for air but nearly scream when I see his Jeep starting. Matt hadn't had a drink in a while and he is more than fine to drive home, but I know if he leaves now things will only get worse. I run across the snow-covered yard, falling as I try to reach the end of the long driveway before he does.