BROKEN - to be healed by her (manan ff)✔️

65: Rising!

The same night when I and cabir met, I wanted to mention this to him but for some unknown reason I held back..this went on for a couple of days....until one night, the intensity of the nightmare was much worse than the previous ones. I couldn't let go of my restlessness for the entire time the next day, this time one of those guys approached me yet again with the tempting offer.

If one of the other days my sane mind would refuse but today...I was craving for an escape, giving into this irresistible idea and that's how this darkness became a part of me, drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes worked as an internal pain killer for me but like the rest, it was all temporary.

I started staying away from cabir, skipping almost all of my classes losing focus on everything that I did.
Cabir punched slapped and tried thousands of times to get me out of it but I paid deaf ears to all his pleas." 

My heart slumped at the thought of the most disturbing part sensing the unease Nandini held my hand in her's squeezing it lightly as she stood beside me by the railing giving a small yet warm assuring smile.

Which was enough for me to know for better or for worse she won't judge me.

" days passed and I was losing myself in those intoxicants. I couldn't stan a day without it it helped me to suppress those cruel voices in my head...those screams, those nightmares they seemed vague when high and back then this was what I craved for...a bloody escape..from self loath..from anxiety.....din raat Nashe main dudh...na Subha ki Khabar the na raat ka pata. I hardly ate anything at all...more than drugs I was addicted to the freedom it brought along, that relief even though temporary was ecstatic to me..even after pushing cabir away an ample amount of times he didn't give up....showed up after every time I buzzed him off.."

As I recalled those days I felt utterly grateful for having cabir as a friend with the amount of humiliation I threw his way it took a heart of gold to come back and not let me rot in the hell that I pushed myself into.

" one particular day I was so high that I passed out in the college backyard, it was cabir who brought me home. I was unconscious for three days due to a drug overdose he took care of me all the while and when I regained my senses we got into a huge fight him beating the shit outta me for being an atrociously careless jerk being the emotional drama queen he is along with the nagging and rock-solid support he got me to swear that I will reduce my drug intake if not leave completely all at once, considering my addiction it wasn't even practical to leave immediately.

And over a month I reduced my intake to a good amount, I got back to books for distraction sometimes when the urge was way too much to handle he showed up to get my mind off it...if not for cabir I would never be here standing in front of you..would probably be in some rehab or worst died out of overdose!"

" You both are very lucky to have each other Manik! Not everyone is lucky enough to have someone to lean on" I heard her whisper as her lips curved upward narrowly. I returned the gesture.

" Towards the end of the month cabir was the happiest person seeing me taking a hold on my life but I think your aiyappa wasn't done with the troubles yet. Kuch hi dino main cabir had to leave abroad to continue with his studies his dad always wanted him to study abroad...cabir being cabir tried denying his uncle and aunt without reasoning them, I accidentally overheard their family conversation once and that was when it all occurs to me that idiot was letting this opportunity go because of me.

I didn't want anybody doing any more sacrifices for me I didn't think I deserved it...because when they need me the most i..am never there!"

" Manik..!" she spoke in a hushed voice as if conveying her disagreement with my statement.