What am I || Jack Avery & Daniel Seavey

twenty-seven

*Souline's POV

„I just like looking at you."

This is exactly what I'm talking about. I don't understand why he's being sweet to me all the damn time. Jack is really making this so much harder for me. My feelings are all over the place. He makes me believe that there indeed is something between us. Something more than just a simple friendship. Argh. I don't know. What do you even say when someone tells you he likes looking at you? I don't fucking know? How am I supposed to know. I'm bad with feelings and closure.. just everything that has to do with love.
So as awkward as I am, I tried to turn this into something funny and change it into a different topic.

"I know I'm pretty cool my friend not gonna lie, but the view over there is a 100% better than the view you're getting from me." I pointed to the ocean with the sunset in the background. It was beautiful, but did I really just try to friendzone him with the 'my friend'? I'm so weird.

"Soul, why are you doing this?" He asked looking at me, but my eyes were still on the ocean. I just couldn't look at him.

"What am I doing?" I looked at him confused.

"Every time I give you a compliment or try to be sweet to you, you change the topic or you just ignore it." He sighed.

"What. No, I don't." I looked back at the ocean.

"Oh and you can't even look me in the eyes when I do make you compliments." he added.

"Jack stop. You're being crazy right now. I just like the view. Isn't it beautiful?" I looked him in the eyes.

"You are beautiful."

Why is he doing this? Can't he just let go of it? I just feel so uncomfortable right now, because I don't know how to act around him.

"Woah, when did the sky turn into this beautiful color." I tried to change the topic again and realized he was right. I'm so bad at accepting compliments, especially when the compliments come from him.

"See! You're doing it again. You're changing the topic when I'm making you a compliment. I'm really not trying to harm you by being nice to you. I just like you and think you're really beautiful and you should know that. If I think someone is beautiful, I tell them." he started playing around with his fingers.

„What do you want me to say? You want to know why I get awkward when you're sweet to me? You really want me to tell you the truth? What you already know yourself? You really want me to say it out loud?" now I was boiling inside.

He nodded.

„You have a girlfriend and daughter at home." I wasn't sure if I should really tell him the truth.

„That's it? That's your excuse? I can't be nice to you, because of them?" he paused. „I'm nice to every friend I have. I always want them to feel good about themselves and we are friends..why can't I give you compliments just like I give compliments to my other friends?" he said with a little annoyance in his tone.

„You really are making me angry right now." I admitted.

„How am I making you angry for being honest with you?" he snapped back.

„But you're not honest with me. You can't tell me I'm the only one noticing that there's something between us. We're not just friends Jack. Maybe we're not in love with each other, but there's something.. we feel attracted towards each other and you can't deny it even if you try to. I literally can't stop thinking about you and it's driving me insane. I don't want to think about you. It's nonsense. All of this is nonsense. You clearly have a family and I have Daniel. Daniel is an amazing guy and he truly cares for me and always shows me how much he cares. He would do anything for me, just to see me smile. He's making me the happiest girl ever and we're not even dating. I really don't want to ruin anything with him and that's why all of this.. whatever this is..has to stop. And maybe what I'm saying right now is nonsense as well. And maybe we're really just friends and I'm just seeing something that's not there." I got up, walking closer to the ocean.

"It's not nonsense." he spoke up. "We're not just friends." I could feel him come closer.

"But we should be. We should be friends. Just friends. Nothing more, nothing less. We have amazing people in our lives who love us. We can't ruin that by something so stupid."

"I don't know what to say. I don't think that whatever this is, is stupid at all. I think we're just really confused at the moment.. at least I am." he admitted.

"God.. I think I should probably go home. We're just making things more complicated than they already are!"

I started walking away, but Jack grabbed my arm and pulled me back. We were now facing each other. Our faces inches away from each other.

"I don't want you to leave. I know I'm a dumbass sometimes. I'm just fucking confused right now. I don't know what I want. I don't know if I want to fight for this family any longer, because I'm not quite sure if I still have feelings for Gabbie but I also don't know if I want to risk it all for something that could potentially not work out in the end if I let my feelings control my actions." he took a deep breath. "I like you Soul. I like you so fucking much that I can't think baut anything else but you at times."

I honestly thought that hearing him say that would make me feel any different and help me gather all of my feelings, but it did the exact opposite, because Daniel was crossing my mind the whole time.

"I just want to kiss you so badly." I could feel him get closer.

"But you can't." I took a step back. I wanted to kiss him.. I'm not going to deny it, but it just felt wrong.

"Right. You can't fucking kiss her." A furious voice appeared behind us.

{a/n: Hope you like this chapter and please  stay safe wherever you are. 😘}