In the Sea of Light and Darkness (Titanic)

Chapter 36

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【ｈｉｓ　ｇｏｏｄｂｙｅ】

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April 14, 1912

21 hours before the iceberg collision

When she was rushing back to her cabin, there was no one around and it's too dark to see around. She didn't mind heading through the hallway where Charles because that issue didn't matter to her as only needed to run far away from the man who just broke her heart. Her vision was blurry so whatever may come through in her direction, she doesn't know what it is. She feels like passing out in the middle of the hallway because the only person who can comfort her was herself only. She wouldn't run back to him and take all back what he said because right at her face, he spoke the truth and showed something significant that will only vary the truth.

As she finally bound to her cabin door, she panicked as she couldn't slide the key into the knob. Her hand was shaking—her body was trembling. She just had done something intimate with and after that it will all break apart. Finally, she entered her room and abruptly landed on her bed, crying out loud the emotion she's resisting along the way. She couldn't help it, it was all for nothing. She thought there's something in between but the line ended and the solution to solve the problem was to go back where she belongs.

Clara almost believes that everything will be fine. That from the very first start until they had the moment in which she knew that it was the answer to her questions. And thinking that it was right, she conceived that it was the truth. And maybe after all, if the truth doesn't hurt her she won't be in so much pain right now. And she knows it's her fault too, she easily comes at the conclusion that there's something to the two of them and now it all shakedown to the core when his truth comes out.

She regrets that she let herself do something with him, it was consensual or maybe it was just the wine talking after all but she knows that whenever a person was in an alcoholic state, such person tends to speak the truth and knowing all the context through Dane's action, it all makes sense to her now. She couldn't just wash away everything and wakes up that everything is fine now and should not worry about all those things anymore. But it isn't that easy to forget the things that hurt her and now she's doubting all the gestures he made towards her. If he was genuine enough or was just toying her feeling which is the worst kind of torture towards someone who tends to love solemnly.

He played her heart and she felt betrayed by it. Of all person who she trusted, the one she was leaning on for something tends to break her heart. She was trying to close her eyes and not to think of it but the fact that something happened to the two of them was the worst feeling she ever had. If she wasn't alone if Trevor was here and if she didn't let anyone come at her like they can manipulate everything, she would have done it in the first place.

At the time that she calms herself down, she just fell asleep crying with the thought that she doesn't know what would happen next because as of this moment, she felt like everything was ruined.

18 hours before the iceberg collision.

At five in the morning, she woke up before anyone else does. She curled up in her bed and the first thing that came right in her mind was him and it won't go away that she started crying again. She feels trash after making it all happened. She keeps murmuring her mother in which her desperation of comfort within their arms was longing for her. She was too far away from them, she even wished that Trevor should be with her right now and the thing with Dane wouldn't even happen in the first place.

She shouldn't have entertained him in the first place.

She fell back to sleep again and she wishes that when she woke up that all the pain and fear she's carrying around would be gone like a blink of an eye. But it's impossible to erase all the feelings, emotions can be buried but it cannot when it holds too much weight to the person. It's just been a few days since they met each other but they didn't saw all of it coming. It just came in. It wasn't clear at first, she wasn't sure about the feeling because there's been the line that sets them apart but in one single moment it all ruined.