SAVING H.S

I WANT TO HATE HIM, BUT I CAN'T

I really hate feeling like this. It does my head in. I’d rather go to sleep and never wake up then having to deal with this stuff.

I mean I knew that I would have to deal with a broken heart down the track, but I never thought it would happen this soon, this fast and just when everything in my life was perfect, something like this happens.

I don’t know how to explain a broken heart. But it’s surreal, yeah people say it’s feels like you don’t feel anything, like nothing seems right anymore, but it’s more than that.

But there was nothing I could do about it, I just had to try and move on with my life and not think about Harry, or what happened.

But it’s extremely hard when he’s on my mind all day and all night. When I close my eyes I can picture him standing there smiling at me. But when I re open my eyes I’m hit with reality. I can picture him and Taylor on the couch, and it tears me apart every time.

I don’t even really care about what happened between Louis and Harry now. I know that sounds selfish, but I only wanted to know so I could figure Harry out, and see it from his point of view. But now since we’re not together anymore, and never will be again I don’t see the point in knowing.

I know Louis said that he was going to tell me, but I don’t want to know anymore. It’s not like I’m going to go back to Harry after Louis tells me.

Because I’m not.

“Rory you can take a break, we’ve been working a lot. “Derick said.

“Okay. “I replied, nodding my head.

I decided to call Louis and tell me that I’m not coming over.

“Hello love. “Louis answered.

“Hi Lou. “I replied.

“How’s the recording session? “He asked.

“Fine thanks. “I said, nodding my head.

“So what’s up? “He wondered.

“I’m just informing you that I won’t make it to yours after I’m done here.”

“Why, do you need a ride? I can get Paul to drop you off if you want.”

“No thanks, I have Cheon here anyway.”

“So why aren’t you coming over?”

“I don’t see the point in knowing.”

“But you need to.”

“No I don’t. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Why doesn’t it matter anymore?”

“I don’t need to know why Harry does what he does.”

“But I want to tell you.”

“Well I don’t want you to.”

“Please, just come over.”

“No Lou. “I replied, shaking my head.

“Please, just come over, we don’t have to talk about it can we just have a movie night. “He suggested.

“Louis I need space.”

“From what?”

“Everything.”

“You can’t keep hiding when things get hard. “He replied for a matter of fact.

“I’m not. “I replied, getting frustrated.

“That’s not what it sounds like.”

“Look Lou, the last thing I want to do is argue with you.”