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"I remember not breathing, but hearing my cry. I remember the heartache, and wanting to die. I loved you so deeply, more than I could bear. The shit you put me through, it just wasn't fair." I stared at my phone screen, reading the lines of the poem over and over out loud. Words starting to zoom in because of the small puddles of tears dropping from my glossy eyes.
"What emotions are going through your mind right now Brooklyn?" I looked up at the therapist that sat in front of me. I know I was supposed to do my first session with Chris, but I felt that it would be best to get on a personal level with her first.
"Everything." I sarcastically chuckled. "Everything." I whispered again, but only so that I could hear.
"Elaborate."
"I'm feeling hurt, betrayed, sad, angry. You know, I've been trying so hard to forget about what happened and move on. But as much as I tell myself to, I just feel there's so much shit that's holding me back from that. It's because the last cheating incident wasn't the only thing that happened. Our relationship was so toxic and not many people realize that. Yeah, the world has seen the constant back and forth. But the truth of of our relationship, that was kept out of the public eye." I softly spoke while grabbing a tissue.
"Ok, well let's elaborate on the lines of the poem. Because you told me that this is your favorite poem correct?" I nodded, indicating that she was correct."
"Ok so, the first line reads I remember not breathing, but hearing my cry." Tell me everything that comes to your mind when you hear that line of the poem.
"Well, I feel that the words in this part are extremely deep. I feel like it's saying that the heartache that they felt was so unbearable that they felt as though they weren't breathing. They felt as though they weren't here anymore in the world and everything around them has gone numb. Yet through all of that, they still feel one thing and that's the pain. That's why while everything else is still numb to them, they can still hear their cry. They can still feel the pain because it was so deeply rooted into them." Ms.Wright wrote down everything that I was saying to her into her notepad.
"Beautiful. Now the next line reads I remember the heartache, and wanting to die. For this line, I'm gonna ask some questions if that's okay with you." I nodded my head while grabbing another tissue to wipe my own tears with.
"Did you at any time think about suicide from problems that you went through with this man?" I hesitated before slowly nodding my head. Ashamed, I refused to make any eye contact that was being persisted.
