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I skipped way too many doctors appointments recently and the one I did go to I avoided questions about abortion. Not like I could do it if I wanted to. I was starting to show. I could see it. Rylie could see it. Carter could see it. I'm sure everyone could see it. The baggy clothes weren't going to hold too much longer. Why wasn't Derrick saying anything? I kept wondering to myself. Asking myself over and over because I was sure he knew. He had to know. He wasn't stupid.
Lately he hadn't really been home though. Work was swamping him and he had been going to so many work dinners and things alike. The most I saw him this week alone was in the middle of night if I wanted something to drink and he'd be up in the living room on his laptop concentrating. He seemed tired. More tired than usual. We all heard him yelling on the phone a few days ago about something work related.
I couldn't bother him with my pregnancy. Who knows how he'd react. He'd definitely be mad. Frustrated. He wouldn't kick me out so that was a plus. Maybe I could tell him. Maybe he could tell me what to do. I needed guidance these days more than ever. I was spiraling and I was doing it so quietly and undetected.
Sometimes it scared me how good I was at hiding these things.
I wasn't surprised to see Derrick sitting at the counter with his laptop and coffee at almost 3am. It was amazing how he was able to do all this and not crack under the pressure. To still be involved with his kids. Most people lose sight of that. "What're you doing up?" He closed the laptop only a few inches, attention on me as I opened the fridge.
"Got hungry."
He nodded. Lips pursed. He stared. "We need to talk." I stare back and swallow hard, nails instinctively dig into my palms. He gestures for me to sit across from him. "I got an email today from one of your instructors, she says you haven't been turning your assignments in, and the work you are completing has been lacking," he gives me that look. The looks he gives the boys when they've done something wrong.
"I–"
"I'm not done," he interrupts me and rubs his hands down his face tiredly, "You've been cancelling your sessions. Forging the emails from my computer. I mean cmon Aaron, I need you to work with me. What the hell is going on with you and dont say nothing because clearly there's something wrong."
I stare. I swallow. I cant breathe. "I don't know."
"You do know," The expression on his face looks annoyed. Irritated. I was such a fucking burden. "I cant help you if you don't let me. I don't want to argue, I don't to fight about it and I don't want you to feel like i'm backing you into a wall but you have got to meet me halfway here," he was begging. No, pleading with me for a straight answer.
He wanted me to tell him. Something. Anything. I can't. I'd rather us have a fight about it than outright say it. I can't say it. Not to him.
