Famille

° 5

Surprisingly I slept better than I had before the last two nights. I maybe got eight hours in total. The first of the two I contemplated taking off while everyone laid down to rest. But I couldn't. I thought of Kelly. Sweet, pregnant, Kelly Rivera soon to be hyphenated with O'Neil. She was all too empathic and my departure would cause more harm than good. Possibly good for me but harm to her.

That wouldn't be good for the baby.

It was Thursday and apparently Mr. Phoenix would be coming in the evening. Just the thought made my mouth dry. A house full of men. Another foster home that won't last. Empty promises that won't be kept. I wouldn't stay. I wouldn't let my body used for the enjoyment of others anymore. I couldn't. It's all too taxing. Damaging. I may not of had the best self worth but I knew there came a time where you had to do something to stop the pain. The heartache.

So I would go before they could get me. Leave before the haughty looks began. Slip out before they could slip into wherever I'd be sleeping at night. Disappear before their hands could under my clothes. Protect myself before they stopped using protection. I wasn't going to go through that. Not again. I wouldn't. Physically, mentally, and emotionally, I couldn't.

Maybe I was jaded. I've been bounced around through a total of ten actual homes. Most of them were awful. Most of them are where my nightmares lay. Though some, maybe three or four were the ones with the empty promises. The nice woman and man who really did take me in out of kindness but didn't want to adopt. I can't blame them. The newlyweds who wanted a baby not a fourteen year old. It's understandable.

But bad usually outweighs the good. And I can't pretend I dont remember the roaming hands. Harsh breaths. Body seizing whispers of a good time. Thats what they did to me. I was body for use to whoever wanted a try. Skin for the ones who just wanted a taste. Curves that satisfied the sick fantasies. The age of their taboo fetish. No longer had I been the lonely orphan girl. Replaced was the body for pleasure. The body of a fantasy. The body for taboo's and secrets they'll only tell their closest confidants about.

That wasn't a life to lead. That wasn't a life to live. Sadly, that's the only taste of the world I've gotten. The only lessons I've learned. Going from school to school doesn't get much done and I was already behind a grade. So I've got street smarts. I know how to keep myself alive. I know how to pick locks. Sneak out. Sneak in. I know who to go to for what. But that's not how life should be for a sixteen year old. I should be in school. Making summer memories. Not planning my escape from Mr. Phoenix's home.

I look out the window. Upset with myself for putting a woman I didn't even know over my own protection. I didn't want to stress her out. Have her worry. Kelly was emotional like that. Especially now that she was pregnant. She was too caring. Too nice. Too willing to help children and teens that would probably steal her things if she left them unattended. It was both her strength and weakness. I envied the little bean growing inside of her.