Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
"How are you, love?" Kelly was sitting across from me at the restaurant she picked for us. It had been a while since I had saw her. Of course she called when she found out the news of destiny's passing. I just didn't want to talk about it and would make excuses to get off the phone.
I was still upset over it but now I was harboring this secret that could ruin everything for me and it was all I could think about. It took over my mind like a virus and I wondered if thinking about things too much could kill me. If maybe just stressing the thoughts too much could kill it.
I take a bite of the salad I ordered since it was the safest option, "I'm fine."
Her hazel eyes soften even more than they are and she gives me a small smile, "I don't believe you, but I'll take your word for it," Pregnancy was making Kelly extra motherly and over bearing. She asked me how I was over ten times and then proceeded to tell me that I could tell her anything and that she was here for me.
"I really am fine. I'm in school and I'm getting along with the boys. Everything's...good."
She wipes her mouth with her napkin, "I just worry about you, Aaron. You seem...different," I swallow. She couldn't know. It was impossible to tell.
She leans back in her seat. As always her hands go over the barely there bump. She smiles down at it and I resist the urge to throw up at the sight. How could she be so happy? But that answer was easy hers was made with someone of her own age, someone she loved, and that person reciprocated. Mine was made from perversion and an age gap that was worthy of years of prison time.
Same situation. Two very different stories and possible outcomes. I hated it and yet I always found myself subconsciously putting my hands over my belly the same way Kelly does and then I admonish myself. I wasn't supposed to like it. I shouldn't feel anything for it. Yet, every time I'm leaning over the toilet bowl I'm reminded that its a part of me. That its growing.
It's forming and it's getting features. It was early on but still, it was happening. It would happen. I was forbidding myself from getting an ultrasound because not only could I not afford it but because one look and I'd be done for. I was switching from wanting it gone as soon as possible and knowing that I didn't want to kill it. Not again. Last time I had no choice but this time I would.
"What are you hiding?" Kellys smooth as honey like voice reaches my ears and I freeze. My fork in hand clenching it into a tight fist. She notices and I set it down.
"I'm not hiding anything."
"I can feel it radiating off you. You looked so lost in thought like whatever it was, is troubling you."
"I was just thinking about all the homework I've got piling up. I haven't been on my game, I should get back so I can finish it," she frowns at the abruptness but waves her hand for the check anyways. Her inquisitive eyes stayed on me the entire time we walked back to the condo and she seemed almost hesitant to let me go.
