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Cold. That was really all I could remember about the gel Ashley Hawkins spread on the lower half of my belly. She was nice enough I suppose with red hair and green eyes. Her freckles dotted her nose and cheeks and made her look younger than her thirty years. The two hundred dollars she had asked for was so her receptionist would keep her mouth shut. She took the money and turned the other way as Dr. Hawkins led Rylie and I, to my appointed room.
She did the basic things, checked my breathing, my weight, my blood pressure, my temperature, it was like a routine check up. Then she excused herself to say she was going to get the ultrasound equipment. My stomach twisted at that and I only looked up at bright lamp above me and to the ceiling.
Rylie had stayed quiet for the most part. He seemed nervous and whenever I would glance over he gave me a closed mouth smile and squeezed my hand. Ashley was quick to return and put on her gloves and turned on the machine before saying that the gel 'might be a little cold' as she instructed me to lift up my shirt. I shuddered when she pressed it against my belly and then closed my eyes tightly when I heard the rapid thud.
"That's the baby's heart beat," She told me and could hear the smile in her voice at the same time Rylie gave my hand a tight squeeze and I faintly think I heard him gasp in awe. I could feel my own heart pound against my chest and that feeling of wanting to throw up came back almost at full force.
In what seemed like forever Rylie had finally spoke up, "Is that..."
"That ... is the baby. Everything looks healthy but it's still a little early to tell the sex but if you'd like to come back in a month of two we'll be able to tell. Free of charge, of course."
My eyes were still closed. Tightly. I wondered if I could make them burst from their sockets with so much pressure. Rylie was encouraging me to look but I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes and peer to my right, 'I don't want to see it,' I had murmured to him and I heard him sigh before going quiet again.
When it was finally off the screen, Dr. Hawkins wiped down my belly and instructed me to pull my dirt down before saying she was going to the pictures printed for me to take home and prescribe me some prenatal pills. In her opinion, although it seemed healthy enough she said it could have been a bit bigger and they would help the growth process.
While I waited for Dr. Hawkins to return I couldn't bring myself to speak or even glance at Rylie. Instead I only told him to wait for me in the waiting room and call a cab for the both of us. We had been here for almost two hours not counting the hour it took to get here alone. He did so without putting up a fight and then Dr. Hawkins came back in with the pictures sealed in an envelope and the papers for my prescription.
"You'll be able to pick up the prenatal pills by tomorrow afternoon. And Aaron, I understand that this pregnancy isn't of the best circumstances but you are so strong for even coming here today. Make whatever decision is right for you. Its your life."
