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Stupid.
Derrick was fucking stupid.
I keep repeating it to myself as I walk the dark streets. He had absolutely no right to go through my things. I had blamed myself for being so careless but being alone gave me time to think. I know Rylie would have never let something like that slip under his gaze. He would have saw it. I would have saw it. He never leaves his room untidy. He never leaves things out of place.
So Derrick, not only accused me of being untrustworthy but in the same breath lied to my face. I should have known. I let myself get to comfortable. I let myself believe Derrick was my savior. My knight in kind armor. Someone who would finally see me. understand me. Maybe someone who would even keep me. But those were pipe dreams. I was lying to myself trying to believe Derrick would be any different.
They were all the same.
Nice at first and then when you least expect it or if you even expect at all; they change. I hadn't expected it. He gave me space. He gave me comfort. He gave me the simple decency of understanding. Today he pulled the rug from under me. He never trusted me and had the audacity to believe I would put his put youngest son in harms way. That trust I thought we both shared was broken.
He invaded my privacy.
He accused me.
Something registered in my mind when he yelled at me. Something that was always lurking in the dark shadows of my thoughts when his angry gaze pinned me.
What was Derrick capable of? He didn't seem to be a violent person or man who could hold any malice but then again you never know until you get them in such a position. The entire time I sat on the couch I was bracing myself for the impact of a fist. A palm to the face. It didn't happen but then again we weren't alone. What would have happened if we were? The thought's make me shiver under the cool air and I realize I've been out here for hours just wandering around.
I left with a hothead and for some reason a heavy heart not even knowing if I would have a place to rest. I didn't have any money, no friends, no family. I was back on the streets. The only place I knew how to navigate. But the time was getting later, the wind was picking up, my feet were getting sore and god, the stupid being inside of me was gnawing at my insides.
I pass various restaurants during my walk around the city each one sending out a different kind of aroma and each time my stomach grumbles but I keep reminding myself that I can't afford it. I'll probably have to go without food for a few days and then I don't know what I'll do. I still don't have a place to sleep and trying to swindle someone wasn't going to work. I don't have the energy. The repercussions aren't something I'm ready to deal with and if things were to get violent I won't be able to defend myself.
So I kept walking.
And I keep walking until I see an empty bus shelter and take a seat on the bench inside. It wasn't in the best neighborhood but at this time of night not even the worst people were out. For the first time in what had to be hours I slide my phone from my pocket and power it on. It was nearly two o'clock in the morning. I cringe at the number of missed calls and unanswered texts; all of them typed in capitalized words.
