AN: I feel when I'm writing Aaron's story my writing changes with her mood and thoughts. It's like when she feels any sort of happiness or just enjoyment my writing is lighter and more casual but when she's in that despair and cynical its darker and more complex.
I just wanted to say this because I felt like my writing was just falling off from where it was in the beginning as it went on. I was kinda beating myself up for it but it actually didn't. Like the same theme is there it just changes as Aaron does. So I guess I'm just trying to say the fluctuations are just my method in this story.
This chapter is longer than usual because I kind of just wanted to end this little trilogy already.
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- C.
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If Derrick had thought he wasn't going lose his mind over a runaway foster kid he had been wrong. He was every bit about to rip his hair out from the roots and then burn the streets to flush her out. He was losing it. Actually, he had lost it already. Four days. Almost a whole work week had Aaron been gone god knows where and all he knows is that she's suicidal.
When Kelly called him in the middle of night frantically speaking fast he was immediately put on high alert. She relayed their conversation and he all but felt his stomach drop right from his body. He was fearful that she might take her life if she hadn't already and that made his stomach tie in knots. The last thing he wanted to do was to have to identify her rotting corpse.
Aaron was depressed. Severely. He wasn't surprised about that fact all. He would have been more shocked if she wasn't after the horrors she had been put through at such a young age. Not many people, let alone a child can lose both their parents months after each other and then go through years of sexual assault and physical abuse and come out unscathed.
Most kids ended up being terribly violent. They acted out. But, Aaron, she was just...quiet. She let herself suffer in silence because after years of being told no one cared and being shown over and over again that it was true it was better for her to just keep it all in. Derrick noticed that about her. Even when she woke up screaming in the middle of the night with sweat covering her body she'd shrug it off and say she was fine.
She'd shower. Change her sheets. Then go back to bed. All in silence. She never talked much about her nightmares. She would only say they were just flashbacks. It had been happening for a while and that she was used to it. That's what Derrick hated. She was so used to living the way she was she would never speak out.
Because no one cared.
That's what she said to Kelly on the phone. Kelly said her voice was hardly their when she spoke the words and she truly hadn't ever heard a sound so broken. So sure of itself. That's what people just don't understand. Depression isn't always this illness that's crying and self harm. It's silence. It's suffering with the ongoing thought that the person is absolutely nothing in this world.
