Inola

Since I Remember Part 2

I think I was about four when my mom took me to the doctor, that was what I remember.  He carried me to a bed and examined my legs and feet carefully, then he looked at my mom and shook his head.  I saw the tears in her eyes and it made me sad, then I realized there must be something wrong with me.

Since that day my mom rubbed my feet every day with oil and kept my legs warm with a blanket.  My dad made some changes in my bedroom, he put some railings against the wall and one day he brought me a wheelchair with all kinds of gadgets.  My brother James figured everything out and taught me how to use the breaks and steer myself around the house.  It was fun and kept me occupied for a few weeks, then reality dawns upon me, I will never be able to walk like James or my mom or dad.

My mom used to bathe and dress me and helped me to the toilet, but dad put railings in the bathroom and mom encouraged me to do these vital things for myself.  Sometimes I started to cry:  "I Can't," then she would rub my back and started to sing softly:  "I can and I will, and I will do it right now."  Then I smiled and tried again and when I succeeded, she would smile at me and said: "I knew you could."

One day I smiled at her and she said:  "Inola, you have the most beautiful smile, do you realize that you can change the world with it?   It makes me so happy to see you smile and remember I love you," and she hugged me.  It became my strength from that day on and it saved me more times than I could count.

When I felt anxious, unsure or afraid of someone, I would smile and in a way, it gave me a power that I can't explain.  The tension break and the other person smiled back and a conversation would start, it even worked on my teachers.  It became my way to cope, I learned to smile at myself when I struggled with the simplest of cores because of my disability.

Simple things like putting my socks on or getting out of bed, clothing myself were a struggle for me and when I smiled at myself and try again, the anxiousness disappears and I coped better.

The more I tried the stronger I got.  One day mom was stuck in traffic after an accident on the FreeWay, I was only seven but she seemed to have no other choice than to phone and told me to take the bus home.  I went to the bus stop and waited, not knowing what to do.  A girl asked me: "You're not going unto the bus, are you?"  

I nodded and smiled:  "I have no choice, my mom got stuck in traffic and I seriously don't know what else to do."  Her attitude changed dramatically.  "Where are you going?" She asked. "Silverstream," I answered.  

"I'm taking the same bus, don't stress, I will help you, she said and she helped me unto the bus.  The driver was also very kind and lowered a ramp to make it easier for me to get onto the bus.  It was quite an experience for me but it made me realize that I'm much stronger than I imagined.  It gave me a feeling of freedom and capability, especially when mom told me she was so proud of me.