Using Itachi as a pillow, I spread my legs out across Deidara's lap and smile contently. I had school today, but my professor called in sick so I get to stay home and babysit. Alice took Danny to his school and then went to her work. She's a nurse at the local pediatricians' office. Sarah is still conked out in her room. Tj sits on the floor with Tobi, coloring and giggling about something One Direction related.
"So what are we going to do today?" Kisame nibbles on the edge of a poptart.
"Hmm." I drum my fingers against my stomach, lips twitching. Then it hits me. My lips stretch into a wide, evil grin and I jerk forward, eyes landing on Hidan's sulking form in between Kakuzu and Kisame. "Hidan! Truth or dare?"
Said male looks my way. "What the fuck are you talking about, bitch?"
"Truth. Or. Dare." I repeat, a little slower so he will understand.
"Dare, dammit." He snaps at me, brows furrowed.
I grin evilly. This is why I chose Hidan. "I dare you to dance like a ballerina around the block, nude."
Hidan stares at me for a few moments, fuschia eyes wide with thought. The room is silent. Even Tobi and Tj have paused in their coloring to watch and see if Hidan will man up and do it. After a few more moments of intense silence, Hidan's features twitch. Slowly, his lips curl into a nasty sneer and his eyes glint evilly. He chuckles darkly and stands. "Show me how to dance. I'll fucking do it."
Smirking, I look to Tj. "Alright, ballerina. You're up."
Tj scowls. "You took dance lessons too! Why don't you do it?"
"Because I suck at dancing. Now go, or no food for the rest of the week." I point to the area behind her, giggling. Tj's scowl darkens at the mention of food probation-which she knows I'm serious about-and sets her crayon down onto the table with a loud, dramatic sigh. She stands, gestures for Hidan to follow her, and then gets into position. She shows him how he has to twirl and tip-toe across the floor. I all but die laughing at Hidan's attempt.
Itachi smirks, his hand covering my eyes when Hidan begins to wiggle out of his pants.
"Alright bitches. I'll be back." Hidan shouts as he walks out the front door.
I let out a loud peal of laughter and wave at Tj. "Oh my god, go get the video camera!"
Tj smirks and rushes up the stairs. I climb off Itachi and skip over to the door, twisting the lock shut. Waving for everyone to follow me, I lead them up the stairs and into the little extra room above the foyer, where the balcony is. I unlock the old wooden doors and push them open. The autumn wind chills me to the bone and briefly, I wonder if it affects Hidan. We all pad our way carefully to the edge. I sit down, letting my legs dangle over the edge, and Tj hands me the camera.
I turn it on and angle it towards the driveway. We have thick woods surrounding our house-so the only way into the house and out is through the driveway. Hidan has to walk about a mile to get to the street, and then around the neighborhood to complete his dare.
"What if he walks by a police car?" Tj leans against the railing.
I snicker. "He's immortal. He'll live if they shoot at him."
Kisame and Kakuzu and Deidara chuckle.
"But what if he leads them back here?"
I grin up at her. "Why do you think I locked the door? We don't know that strange, naked man, officer."
"You're so mean!" Tj giggles. "How long is this going to take?"
"I don't know...so Tj, truth or dare?" I grin up at her mischievously. She rolls her eyes. "Truth. I don't trust your dares."
I shrug and pause for a few moments, thinking. "If you could date anyone here, who would it be?"
Tj purses her lips. Slowly, her eyes scan over the troops surrounding us and then flicker back to me. Her lip curls back slightly. "Tobi. He's the only normal, non-girlish one here."
"Itachi and Deidara aren't girls!" I scowl up at her.
"Oi, bitches! What are you doing up there?" I look down, just in time to see a flash of silver rush up the porch steps and pause at the top. Hidan glances back over his shoulder, almost worriedly, and then back up to us. "What the fuck is that thing?"
"I'm making a movie!" I smile sweetly, watching his face from the camera screen.
The loud, screaming sounds of sirens pierce through the air. From up here, I can see the treetops flash blue and red. Laughter bursts out of my mouth and I lean against the railing for support. Tj clamps her hand against her mouth, shaking her head. Hidan scowls. "Dammit, I'm going to kill these fuckers!"
I shake my head. "N-No! Don't! Just hide in the woods for a bit!"
Hidan glares up at me. Something behind me makes him scowl and turn towards the woods. Through my laughter, I look back and see Itachi. His dark charcoal eyes are lit with amusement, a faded spark of crimson vanishing. I shake my head, laughing harder, and rest my head against the railing.
The cops turn into our drive at speeds illegal to any normal person. I swear, they abuse their privilege. I hide the camera behind my back, slipping my hand out of the strap so both my hands are free. They flip the sirens off, though the lights still flash blindingly, and one climbs out. He moves a little closer and looks up, beady brown eyes narrowed with suspicion.
"Hello, have you seen an old naked man around here?" He calls up.
Deidara snorts. I shake my head and smile sweetly down at him. "Sounds like you have a psycho on your hands. We'll let you know if we see him."
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to search the area, m'am. Do you mind waiting right there?" The cop starts to move around to walk around back.
Bitch please. I've seen my cop shows.
"Actually, I do mind." My smile hardens and he pauses, beady eyes narrowing up at me. "If you want to walk around my house, you need to come back with a warrant. This is my land. And if you don't get off, I will shoot you for trespassing."
The cop scowls. "M'am, I'd rather not waste anymore time by getting a warrant. I'll be quick. I just need to scan the area and the woods around."
I let out a dramatic sigh. Climbing to my feet, I walk over to the door and open it. Alice keeps a shotgun in the closet. I open the doors and walk back out, waving my prize in the air. "I warned you, bud. Get off my damn property before I go trigger crazy."
"Alex." Tj hisses.
"I don't know where he is! I'm not about to let them find him, especially not on my property." I hiss back as I pass, glaring at her. The cop sighs and puts both his hands into the air. I fold my arms across the top of the barrel and rest my chin on my arms, using the gun for support. The cop climbs back into his car, shares a few words with the other officer, and then they both cast me steely looks. I wave sweetly and smirk. They back out and continue on down the streets.
"They'll be back." Tj shakes her head at me.
I snort. "You obviously don't know your cop shows, woman. It takes like thirty days to get a judge to sign off on a warrant and by then, the old man nudist would've skipped town."
Hidan pokes his head out of the bushes, a little flash of silver within a sea of green. I smile and wave him forward, so he runs out of the bushes and towards the front door. I grin and wait for it.
"Oi! Why the fuck wont it open?!" Hidan shouts from down below.
I giggle and turn back to my criminals. Kisame and Itachi are eying my weapon of choice carefully. I smirk and wiggle it lightly, allowing the metal to click together with the movement, and wag my eyebrows at them. "Scared?"
Itachi merely grunts. Kisame laughs and shakes his head. Kakuzu grumbles something as he and Tj walk back inside. Deidara stares at me for a few moments, chuckling. "You're scarier in the mornings, yeah." He smirks.
I scowl at him. "I will shoot you."
"Alright, Tobi, truth or dare?" Tj asks, bored, as we all settle down on the couch again. I snuggle up to Deidara this time, throwing my arm around his torso and hugging him tightly. Tobi looks up from his coloring book-visible eye wide.
"Truth!"
"If you could go back and change your sex, would you be a boy or a girl?" Tj giggles.
Tobi pauses for a few moments, thinking about it. Hidan and Deidara burst into laughter, the latter's chest shaking beneath my cheek with the sound, and I smile-waiting for his response. "Tobi would still be a boy!" Tobi chirps, grinning widely.
"Hell yeah, bitch!" Hidan shouts. "Penises are so much better than-"
"Do not finish that sentence." I growl, throwing one of the couch pillows at the silverette.
He grunts from the impact and throws the pillow back at me. Deidara blocks it and it drops to the floor in front of us. Tobi looks around and then jumps up. "Sempai! Sempai! Sempai!" He jumps up and down, waving his arms like a lunatic. "Truth or dare?"
"Dare, yeah." Deidara grunts.
"Tobi dares Sempai to......kiss Alex-chan!" Tobi sings, pointing my way. I smirk. I like this dare.
Deidara rolls his eyes. Lightly, he slides his finger beneath my chin and pushes my face upwards. His lips slam against mine, knocking the air clean out of my lungs. My eyes widen, my body locks down, and I can't breathe. Electricity sizzles through my veins and my skin tingles all over. Deidara pulls back after a few moments.
I grin like I'm drunk.
He smirks, lightly touches my cheek, and then looks up at everyone around the room. Kisame and Hidan howl with laughter. Tj giggles lightly and Tobi rocks back and forth on his butt, smiling sheepishly. I blush heavily and bury my face into Deidara's chest. He chuckles and looks to Kisame. "I dare you to kiss Alice, yeah. When she gets home, un."
I laugh.
Kisame's blue tinted face flushes a bright, cherry red.
