A Wuxia Tale: Blade in Training

Pathetic Fool

(WANG DAO)

I kept my distance from Hua during the parade of bodies we will bury tonight. As the sun sets slowly on the West, coffins after coffins bearing the dead servants and guards of our estate was paraded on our land, I stayed at the back of my family's parade. We will bury them on the empty lots on the West side of the estate, the most barren part of our property. The dead loyal servants and guards will be part of Wang Estate, forever.

Hua was escorted by her fiance, Prince Jin. Both dressed in mourning white, Hua held on to her soon to be husband as they walked together behind the coffin of Hua's Nanny. My Nana.

I held my Nanny's hand during the parade. I don't want to let her go. Upon learning of Nana's death, for a second, I thought I lost my Nanny too. To find my Nanny alive, the tears that fell on my eyes are mixture of guilt and happiness.

Hua lost her Nanny but mine is alive. I don't know what I will do if it will be the reverse. I don't even want to think too deeply about it so I kept things simple on my mind.

I am sad that Nana is dead and happy that my Nanny is alive. Anymore and I think I will go insane.

It's my fault. I didn't get in our estate in time. I wasn't fast enough to save Hua and Nana from danger.

It's my fault.

"It's not your fault. Nadira killed her, not you. Don't put this all on your shoulder, Wang Dao." The presence in my head said.

Hearing that voice immediately made me angry. "What do you know, you are the reason why I didn't get to my sister on time,"

"Does blaming me make things lighter in your heart? Then I will take it."

"WHAT WILL YOU TAKE?! DAMN YOU! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"

I took a deep breath and exhale with force as I fight to keep my mind on the burial that is happening. I don't want to indulge on talking to the presence in my head. This...this person who was the reason why I didn't get to Hua and our home in time to help.

It's my fault. I won't blame the presence in my mind for that. No Wang run away from his/her fate or blame anyone else for our mistakes.

But I will admit to hating the presence in my mind now. If I was not too engrossed on it, if I was not too intrigued, I would have helped Father and Hua when our home was attacked.

It's my fault...but the presence in my head is not making it easy for me not to blame it. I can feel it's presence kept on creeping and swirling in my head even if I try my hardest to concentrate on my present surroundings.

I focused my eyes on Hua. She is the perfect picture of a grieving noble lady. Her hair, shorter than before because Nadira cut it during their last fight, was tied neatly by a white ribbon. There's a paleness on Hua that alarm all of us. Her lips are slighty chapped. Her eyes, swollen from crying. Even with the distance between us, I can clearly see that my twin is not stable and shaking even.

Hua is miserable and she is not hiding it. There is no escaping her grief. She is laying it all out in the open and anyone who failed to save her Nanny will know how much hurt Hua is suffering.

She is cruel. My twin.

"I am more vicious than Dao. He is more merciful. The softhearted one is my brother...not me."

That's what everyone has missed about my twin, Hua was never soft. Her petite outside appearance might suggest that but if anyone will bother to spend just five minutes in my sister's company, they will know...there is nothing soft in Hua. Unless you will stubbornly place her in that box, which is a mistake.