Steven Universe fic

part 14 Chapter Two: Just Like You

Steven jolted from his sleep, the echoes of his mother's voice lingering in his mind. He let out a heavy breath, pulling his blankets away and sliding off his bed.
They had gotten worse, the nightmares.
But at least he wasn't sleep walking anymore.
In fact, he could barely sleep. Guilt and shame riddled every inch of his body and cracked his mind. Closing his eyes simply made it worse.
He quietly tip toes down the stairs passing the sleeping Spinel on the couch to get some milk from the kitchen. Perhaps the cold drink would lessen his aching stomach.
He glanced at the doorway to the infinity room, it was nearly completed, the gems could now enter their rooms safely without worry of accidentally being trapped.
Spinel had opted to stay on the couch in light of recent events.

It was understandable, his mother's room had a tendency to reenact her worst fears, and Steven didn't mind the quiet company she kept below his room.
He poured his glass and took a very long swig before setting the empty glass back in the sink and heading back to his room. He stopped, glancing around the room, feeling eyes boring into him as he stood in the dark.

"Steven, what are you doing?" Spinel sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she began to focus on the frozen and panicked boy. Steven's startled jump at her words confused her, but he sighed and stepped toward the coffee table.

"Another nightmare." He muttered, Spinel nodded groggily. Pulling her blanket around her shoulders.

"Sorry," she yawned, lying back down and pulling her rabbit to her cheek. "Hope they go away."

She was too tired to contemplate his dreams, and intended to quickly fall back into her own dreams- which mostly involved the boardwalk arcade at the moment.

Steven didn't take her words as a sign of rejection though, and moved closer to her, sitting on the floor in front of her, causing her to open her eyes in confusion.
He sighed.

"I don't know why, but I can't stop feeling guilty.." he said softly. The gem rolled over, not facing him. Good, he should feel guilty. She didn't have to make him feel better, she didn't want to.

"I keep having nightmares with mom."
He continued.
Spinel clenched her eyes shut in attempt to ignore him.

"Uh, huh?" She mumbled.

"She keeps telling me she's proud of me."

"That's good." Spinel replied, not really listening to him as she drifted further into sleep. Steven sighed, shaking his head somberly.

"Not really, I don't want to be like her so when she tells me she's proud..." he trailed off, of course Spinel know how Pink was, he didn't have to explain it to her.

"I don't want to be like my mom."

"But you are." Her voice was soft, tinged with irritation, but she didn't turn to face him. He was startled by her words. Spinel could say cruel things, but she knew how much Pink had hurt her, she knew how much those words stung.

"What?" Steven breathed, turning back to face the gem. She didn't move, and didn't face him.

"You are like her, you hurt me- the same way she did. And you hurt all the gems by changing everything."

Steven pulled himself to his knees, resting his hands on Spinel's back.

"But I didn't mean to, I was trying to fix things, I was trying to protect you-"

"It doesn't matter. Nothing you did helped."

He shook the gem, trying to get her to turn around, to face him in her hurtful words, tears bubbled in his eyes before his disbelief and sorrow turned to anger.

"Don't say that, you know I care about you- you know I've been trying to help you!" His voice raised, but the gem refused to stir. He stood up, turning away from her.

"I know I hurt you but you don't have to  be so rude about it." He grumbled, irritated by her lack of tact. Who was she to know anything? He was only trying to fix things- if it wasn't for her he could have never had to deal with the diamonds or the coup or anything again, she brought all of that with her.
And now she just can't let it go that he poofed her and left her- to protect her no less!

He stomped up the stairs, and frustratedly climbed into bed, yanking his covers over him as he turned to his side, facing toward the window. He closed his eyes, the frown on his face remaining until he drifted back to sleep.

Just like her, he wasn't just like Pink Diamond, he wasn't his mother, he was better, he made it his job to be better than her. Spinel was being stupid, she was being spiteful and wrong. He wasn't like his mother. He wasn't ever going to be his mother.