Shawn Mendes Imagines

111 - Not Mine

"Fine.  But once December comes, I will definitely kick you ass during the family reunion."

"Noted. You may go."

I turned on my heels and made my way out of  the lecture room. Once I opened the door, my best friend who was leaning against the lamp post outside pushed himself off and made his way over to me. I gave him a small smile as he took my bag from me.

"How many times in a day do I have to keep telling you that I can carry my own bag?" I asked with a chuckle as he slipped the sling onto him shoulder.

"The same amount of times I tell you that I still believe in acting like a gentleman thus including carrying your bag for you." Shawn said with a smile as he stretched his arm out to me for me to loop mine with. "What took you so long anyway?"

"The professor wanted me to make sure that this assignment was article worthy since my work will be included in the school paper."

"Damn! Congrats!"

"Just because it will be in the paper doesn't mean that it will get an automatic perfect score."

"But you will since you are an incredible writer."

"I call bullshit."

"You are! And at least you probably have something to write about."

"Sana all may relationship." (Hopefully everyone has a relationship? I don't even know how to translate this since we often use this as an expression)

"Huh?" He asked, looking at me with his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Never mind." I said, smiling slightly as I shook my head. "What makes you think I have someone in mind as a topic? Just because I'm single doesn't mean a thing."

"Says the girl who would literally talk to me about a cute guy she saw on the internet or met the other day."

"But that's just it. I may find them cute and shit but that doesn't mean I love them."

"That's not what you told me the other night when you were trying to drown your sadness in alcohol."

"That..." I trailed off and kept my focus on the stone path in front of me as I brought my folder closer to my chest. "That was completely different."

"You were going on and on about how you wished he could be yours but it will never be since you think he doesn't feel the same about you and that you're not enough for him.  Which, by the way is complete and utter bullshit since you're worth way more than you think. Any guy that can't see that must be blind or know the fact that you are too good for him. Who is he anyway?"

I took a nervous gulp and tightened my grip on my folder. I'm not sure if I should be flattered or just runaway now. The former since his words are probably the sweetest things I've ever heard someone tell me. The latter... well... Who wouldn't find it awkward to accidentally spill your guts out, figuratively and literally, to your best friend over a guy whom you've never told him about since you're afraid it might drive him away when you were pissed drunk?

"Don't worry about it." I muttered.

"What happened to no secrets, y/n?" He murmured in reply.

I opened my mouth to speak but was cut off by his ringtone. He reached into his pocket and answered the call, bringing his phone closer to his ear as he walked off for more privacy. I just stood there, kicking stray pebbles on the ground as I waited for him to return. I would usually go ahead but he forgot to give me my bag back. When he went back, he gave me a sad smile and returned the bag to me.

"Camila just called. I... um... I'll just bring you back to your dorm then? I know I promised that we would hang out today but..." He  trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Go to her. I can get back to my room on my own." I said, flashing him a smile that reflected his own.

"Are you sure? You know how I'm not comfortable with not walking you home to make sure that you're safe."

"Positive. I know my own way home, Shawn. Go."

"I'm really sorry. I'll make it up to you, okay?"

He took me in his arms and pressed a kiss on my head before rushing to the opposite direction. I couldn't help but watch his retreating figure and say, "That's what you said the last time."

I crossed the street and walked home, trying to swallow the lump forming in my throat as my eyes started to sting. I merely gave everyone small smiles as I stepped into the elevator to my floor and once I stepped through my door, I slammed it shut and slid against it.  I brought my knees closer to my chest as I let out a loud sob. I buried my face against the palm of my hands as I let the tears stream down my face.

It felt as if my chest and throat were getting tighter by the second as I sat there crying. I guess that's the worst part about the whole, cliche falling in love with your best friend thing. It's ten times worse and much more painful than just being the girl best friend he stopped hanging out with ever since he got a girlfriend.

About an hour of just sitting there and crying, I eventually wiped my face dry for the last time and pushed myself off the floor. My eyes felt dry and heavy while my nose was completely stuffed. I walked over to the bathroom and washed my face, trying to lessen the puffiness and redness of my eyes with the cold water. I slipped out of my clothes and changes into a loose sweater and shorts. I tied my hair back and put on my glasses as I got my laptop, feeling inspired to start the essay.

Falling in love is not easy especially when you are afraid to take risks. After all, once you admit, you would never know how it would end up. You may either lose such an amazing friendship or maybe he would be yours. I personally want to get everything off my chest but I do not want to change things between us, or make things worse. I mean, what else could happen once you fall for your best friend?

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A/N: I'm sorry if this is a bit shitty but I got inspired by a post I saw on Facebook a month or so ago wherein a teacher gave his students an assignment which said "Sumulat ng isang sanaysay tungkol sa mahal mo at kung bakit hinding hindi siya mapapasa 'yo." which literally means "write an essay about the one you love and why they can never be yours." Thinking of writing a part two  but will probably be able to make it a week and a half from now since I have my first semester finals next week. I legit should be studying for my Accounting and Law exams but I haven't slept much in days so instead of using today (the Thursday, Friday, and Saturday before our exams are allotted as study times so we have no classes) for it, I spent the entire day sleeping.

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