Shawn Mendes Imagines

77 - Midnight Sky

11:48 PM

I just stared at the red numbers, counting down the seconds in my head as I laid in bed. Thoughts of him filled my mind, making my heart flutter and my stomach churn. His laugh, his smile, his voice, his heart... they were enough to drive me crazy. I wasn't supposed to fall for him but life had different plans. I mean, what am I to him anyway?

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. The darkness was soon replaced by an all too familiar face. He was looking straight at me with his chocolate brown eyes,  making my heart melt at the sight. His soft,  pink lips stretched into a breathtaking smile. I couldn't breathe. The butterflies in my stomach fluttered wildly,  messing with my heart's rhythm. His hand slowly lifted up to my cheek and brushed the skin softly with the back of his fingers. Heat made its way into my cheeks,  making turn into a slight shade of pink. He slowly leaned in, his hands now holding my face. I could feel the heat coming off his as the distance between the two of us decreased. And just like that, he disappeared.

My eyes snapped open and I jerked forward, trying to breathe but end up hyperventilating. I brought my knees up to my chest and leaned my elbows against it. My fingers rapidly brushed through the strands of my hair as I tried to let my things sink into my brain. My heart still viciously pounded against my chest as that image of him filled my mind. I shook my head, trying to get rid of the image yet it still remained, taunting me of what will never be. I slowly turned my head to look at the digital clock beside the bed once again and sighed.

12:00 AM

I should be asleep by now. I have several things to do in the morning, a few projects from my major classes to finish. Yet here I am, staring at the midnight sky, asking whether or not I should let the thought of him go. It has been like this for the past few months. I keep thinking of him to the point that I could never sleep.

I wish I could be his. He is everything a girl would want but at the same time, a puzzle yet to solved. I have done my share of trying to figure him out. I am still trying to find the pieces that makes him complete. But a part of me is screaming that it will never be me. I can try to fix him all I can but I will never be the one to make him whole.

Yet no matter how many times I convince myself that there is no chance, I still cannot get over him. Being around him makes me feel complete even if he considers me as just a friend. My mind cannot find words to describe how much he means to me, how strongly I feel for him. I love him even if the feeling will never be reciprocated.

I pushed myself off of the bed and made my way to a large window. My fuzzy sock covered feet dragged along the beige carpet, a blanket draped over my shoulders. I unlocked the windows and pushed it open. I sat down on the soft cushions on the white window seat, letting my legs hang out of the building as I stared at the sky.

I let the cold air hit my skin as I tried my best to calm myself down. My beating heart slowly went back to normal as I cleared my mind from the things running around it. The deadlines, the stress, my feelings... him. I let it all fade as I focused on the bright, shining stars that broke through the darkness of the night.

I wish I could be one of them. To be the light in a world filled with darkness. Even if I cannot light up the world, just a person's life would be enough. Yet I'm too broken, too lost. Fuck, I can't even fix myself. I try to fix the ones I love yet I cannot fix my broken soul.

"Why?" I asked out loud. "Why? Why am I so broken? Why do I try to make myself feel happy by falling for people that will never reciprocate the feeling? Why me?... Why him? Of all the ones I could fall for, why him?"

It seems stupid to throw those questions to no one in particular but it felt good to do so. It felt good to let it out even if no one's there to listen. It felt good to let it all go instead of keeping it in every single time.

My phone dinged as a notification popped up. I reached for it and unlocked it, only to drop it back down onto the cushions. I could feel my chest becoming tighter as sobs escaped my lips. My eyes were clouded with tears as it poured continuously. I shouldn't have kept my hopes up. I pulled my knees to my chest and cried my eyes out.

I had no chance. I knew it  from the beginning. Yet no matter what I did, I couldn't deny  that I've fallen in love with Shawn Mendes, even if he couldn't return those feelings. I will always be the girl that has annoyed him when bored, talked about random shit with, and hung out with every once in a while. But I could never be the girl to have his heart. To be the girl that he will embrace.  To be the girl that he will share his future with. To be the girl  that will hold his hand.

In the end, I'll just keep wishing to be that girl but some wishes never come true. I will keep wishing to be the one he will see as more than a friend. Even if it hurts, I will keep giving him the love that I could never explain.

@ShawnMendes: I love you.

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A/N: Sorry I haven't been writing as much.  Currently extremely busy with academic requirements, especially since I'll be graduating senior high school in March and will be taking up Accountancy afterwards so I really need to focus on my Marketing, Entrepreneurship, and Finance subjects.

I didn't feel like writing scenarios today since I'm emotionally not capable of doing so since I'm tired, stressed, and a little bit depressed due to the piling up  due dates. Plus, this one's, personally, true to life since crushes suck.

Also, I haven't been listening to other genres as much. I'm currently addicted to OPM (Original Pilipino Music), specifically IV of Spades (I think that was obvious from last chapter), Ben&Ben, Unique Salonga (the singer of the song above), Juan Karlos Labajo, and Moira De la Torre so their songs are mostly my inspiration for writing nowadays.

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