The Opposite Of Good

[71] Hot in my hospital room

[Amara's P.O.V]

It's been two days since I've 'woken up.' I spent most of the time with Justin, this is only because he wouldn't leave me alone...and that I wanted him around but mostly because he wouldn't go anywhere.

Honestly, I was enjoying having him around and I can't wait to get out of this hospital already.

Leah, Kate, Levi and Nick came to visit me like almost the entire day yesterday. It was really nice having them around and just talking as a group of friends. It felt good having people who care about me around me, including Justin. I'm really thankful for the group of friends I have. I'm basically considering them as my only family right now. I don't have any real ones around anymore and my friends are the only people around close to that.

Today I was feeling really better than I did two days ago. I feel like I can stand well on my own now meaning I won't need the nurses anymore and I won't be forced to not go anywhere without the help of a nurse, thankfully.

It's really irritating being in hospital because I can't even do a quarter of the things I want to do. For starters, I'm missing a shitload of work at school and I can't even do anything about that. I will be behind by weeks and it'll be the worst thing having to borrow people's notes and all the exhausting catching up.

I won't have a life for at least a week once I'm out of here.

I don't have the energy for it but I need to make sure I get good grades this year to make it to university next year.

University.

These past few months, I haven't been thinking much of the future. I have been taking it one step at a time and thinking only about the present. This is because my life has changed completely these past few months, for the better because I'm not living with Ben anymore.

Thinking of Ben's name brings a twist to my stomach.

I still can't believe he's dead.... like really gone. I'm not sure how I really feel about it although I told Justin that I don't blame him. And I don't, right?

He didn't have a choice, I try to remind myself.

I just wish it was different, I wish he wasn't the one to kill Ben. I wish no one had killed him. But that's messed up, even for me. If he had lived, was he ever going to change? Would I forgive him eventually and would we be a family again? I can never know the answers to these questions because he's gone...

God I need to stop overthinking this, I can't allow myself to do this to myself. I'll try to get over it, it's the least I can do for myself anyway. I can't better everything at once. It has to be one step at a time.

There's no one in the room right now, allowing me to have all these thoughts in my head. Justin should be here in a few minutes because he told me he's going to get me takeaways, I'm completely done with hospital food.

I sit up and smile to myself when I don't feel the pain in my stomach that I felt every time I would sit up. Dr Fegurson mentioned that my liver was slightly impacted by the bullet but not so much that I'd need a liver transplant or anything exreme like that. It just healed on it's own and I'm really grateful. Although I can't stop thinking of what would've happened if I really did need a liver transplant. I have no family members around...but I don't want to keep think about what would have happened to me had that been my sad reality.

"What's going on in that pretty mind of yours?" My head snaps to the source of the voice even though I know pretty well who it is.

I smiled when Justin stood on the doorway with a big McDonald's paperbag in his left hand and his right hand was tucked in the pocket of his black skinny jeans.