The Opposite Of Good

[47] Have to

[Justin's P.O.V]

Leaving.The.Gang.

Thinking about those words made me simultaneously think 'impossible.' I know very well that the only way to leave UG would be if I die. And that's something I didn't want to mention to Amara.

I'm such an idiot.

She left. She ran out the door and I just watched her taking more steps away from me. I didn't even attempt to stop her. My heart longed for me to run after her, my heart wanted her to be close to me but my cruel mind told me otherwise.

She wanted to be alone, that's why she left.

I don't know how but one bottle of beer to console myself and continue thinking of how much of an ass I am, turned to many. She didn't deserve this, I understand that this is not what she wants, that this is not a life she wants but UG has been my entire life for a solid amount of time now. How do I just up and leave? It would get me killed!

I lazily looked over to the clock and saw that it was already seven pm. Where was she?

As each second passed, I started feeling anxious as to why she's not returning. She's been gone for four hours now and that fact is starting to make me highly concerned.

I totally regretted why I didn't run after her, what if she needs me now wherever she's at?

I walked over to the counter to grab my keys but then realized that I just had over six bottles of beer and I could barely walk. Cursing loudly, I took out my cellphone to ring Levi but just as I was about to do that, the doorknob twisted and a tired looking, bloodshot eyed Amara walked inside before softly closing the door behind her.

We locked eyes for a brief second before I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her small body, holding her incredibly close to me. After a minute of waiting for her to hug me back, I felt her palms on my chest and pushing me away. I felt a pang in my heart as I unwillingly stepped back, feeling like my heart just shattered. She walked past me and I watched her go over to the fridge and took out a bottle of water before turning around to face me as she drank.

"I'm sorry." I spoke first, hoping that she would understand.

"You weren't gonna come looking for me were you?" She asked and my eyes widened.

I opened my mouth but closed it not finding anything to say

"You were busy drinking while I needed you."

I looked back at her with confusion lining my features. "But you left." I muttered, feeling the alcohol slowly leaving my body.

A tear trickled down her face and I felt my heart literally clench "But I needed you to be with me."

"Then why didn't you stay?" I questioned walking closer to her and stopped when I was about four feet away.

She left, literally ran out the house going further away from me but she says she needed to be with me. If so, then why didn't she stay so that we could talk things through? I'm so confused.

"ALL YOU DO IS DRINK AND NOT THINK ABOUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S WELL BEING!" She yelled, more tears falling down her face.

"I thought you wanted to be alone."

"I NEEDED TO BE WITH YOU!"

"I'm sorry." My voice broke. About a minute passed before she whispered her next words.

"Justin are you seriously going to stay in the gang?"

I sighed. "I don't want to but I don't have a choice... baby you don't understand."