The Opposite Of Good

[69] Slipping away

As much as I despised the hospital coffee, I had no choice than get it here because I couldn't make myself one at home. I was in a rush to see Amara that I barely dressed and had to put everything on in the car as Levi drove.

Levi said it was like I am obsessed but I just want to see Amara. I miss her like crazy, I miss her voice, I want to look into her eyes again and tell her how much I'm in love with her. Only if she could wake up sooner.

Seeing her in this condition is like a kick to the gut, a stab to the heart. The more I see her laying unconscious, the more I feel guilty and the more it fucking pains me. I want to switch places with her so fucking bad but I can't. I want to kiss her and feel her kiss me back but she can't. She doesn't deserve it.

"Baby" I say as I hold her hand again, kissing it. Her skin is not as pale as it was yesterday which brings a small smile of hope to my face. She would wake up soon enough, right?

"I'm sorry I had to leave last night. I just wish everyone understood what I feel inside and not coach me on how I should behave in this situation. I'm incredibly worried about you, I'm hurting and I need to be by your side each second of the day but there are just so many people who want to share you with me." I sigh and watch her chest slightly move up and down. She still has a breathing mask on her face but I remember Dr Ferguson say something about removing it soon.

I noticed there were more drips attached to her now which made me frown. The blood drip was thankfully removed, it kind of made me feel somehow.

"I wish you were awake love, I miss you so much." I tell her again, not knowing if she can hear me or not.

"If I could take everything back, I swear I would." My voice started getting shaky and broke at the end. I was failing. I was feeling to keep up a strong front for her. She's currently not strong enough and I needed to be strong for her but my emotions were getting the better of me. It just hurt me and broke me to the extremes watching her in this state, I never meant for any of this to happen.

None of this would've happened had I done something about Bianca's return. I should've done something or said something that would stop Bianca from going with her that day, maybe she would've listened to me and we would not be dealing with this now.

"I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am cakes. I really am, you don't deserve this." I lay my arm over her lap and caress her. I want her to say something back to me. I want her to tell me how much she's pissed at me for shooting her, how much she hates me for bringing her pain, how much she loves me above all.

"You have to wake up cakes, seeing you like this..." I suck in a breath "I can't-"

"Good morning Mr Hazard." I clench my teeth and try to stop myself from saying the rudest thing I can possibly say to the doctor. Why does he always have to show up whenever I want to be ALONE with my girlfriend? There's so many people wanting to share her with me and I hate it. I don't even care if he's the fucking doctor, I still hate it.

"You're here so early in the morning." He says and I roll my eyes. Of course he'd state the obvious.

"How's her condition?" I might as well ask.

"Well, I'm here to remove her breathing mask as she won't need it anymore. I must say, she's doing so well, better than most patients who've had a similar case."

"That's good news" I find myself smiling slightly as I look at her.

"Do you know if she can hear when I speak?" I ask and he nods

"She can, which I think is the reason for her speedy recovery. She just has to gain her consciousness now and we can go over a few things before we discharge her."