Wavy (ON HOLD)

Chapter 40

I wasn't worried about my friends talking shit or not validating how I feel. It was just the fact that I knew they would magnify the situation, and make it bigger than what it actually was.

Yes, I'm feeling her. Yes, I think I want to test the waters. But how do I know it's not going to blow up in my face, like the last time I put my trust in a relationship ?

I just don't want to speak on something too soon, and jinx it. I'm not trying to sweat something that I'm not even sure about.

I wasn't comfortable and secure enough to express how I feel.But I knew my friends would pry it out of me.

" Why you looking like that?" Drew bites into her Apple looking at me suspiciously. I avoid making direct eye contact with her.

" Nothing, I'm cool. Just tweaked for a minute." I try to play it off.

Amber looks at me with wide eyes , like I just committed a crime. Oh shit.

" Niggaaa... don't tell me you ain't hit yet..." Amber says with her mouth open . She takes out the one headphone she had in her ear.

      Drew starts to catch on and gives me the same shook look.

     " Nokiaaa...bruuuh", Drew half smiles, and looks half shocked at me.

     " Whaaaat?", I ask ,acting dumb. I didn't really want to have this discussion with my friends and tell them how I feel.

" Don't give me that shit. Tell the truth, have you and Melanie had sex yet?" Drew looks at me with her brow raised, waiting for my response.

Fuck I knew this was coming.

" Why does it matter?" I roll my eyes, trying to avoid her question.

" Stop beating around the bush bruh, it's a yes or no question." Amber jumps into the conversation.

I let out a frustrated sigh and just decide to tell them. " Fuck it. No, me and Melanie haven't had sex. We've been chilling, and just enjoying each other's company. Just letting shit flow. Do I want to have sex? Yes. Do I need to have sex with her ? No."

       " Destiny, do you have feelings for her?" Drew looks at me serious and says my name. I cringe at the question not really wanting to answer the question.

      " I don't know. Possibly." I pick at my food, trying to distract myself from the conversation.

      " What the hell do you mean you don't know? It's either you do or you don't ." Drew grows irritated with my short answers.

     " Bro, I don't fuckin know! It's too early for me to tell, and you know how I am with women. It's hard for me to express my feelings and even accept them. I'm really confused. A part of me wants to just fuck her ,but this new side she evokes in me wants to try shit out her. But I don't know, I'm conflicted. I just ain't wrapped my head around all this shit."  I try to simplify how I feel as best as I can to my friends.

     They both have thoughtful looks on their faces, as if they are really contemplating how I feel. Surprisingly, Amber speaks up first.

   " Nokia, I love you like you my blood and shit, so imma keep it real, because I want you to be happy and I only want the best for you."

    " ....You need to let the hell go ,and stop holding on to past hurt. You need to open up your heart again, and stop being afraid of relationships. You putting on this facade of just wanting sex, and not caring about love...but I know you."