Pregnant With His Baby (Jack Gilinsky)

Chapter 11

Suffocation, no breathing

Jack hands me a hammer and a cantaloupe.

Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding

This is my last resort

I smash the cantaloupe with the hammer. I just continue to bang on it even after it's completely ruined.

Cut my life into pieces

I've reached my last resort,

I grab a picture frame with those stupid fake family pictures they put in there.

Suffocation, no breathing

Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding

I throw it at the wall and it breaks the glass and the little decorations on it fly off.

Do you even care if I die bleeding?

A pillow that J brought sits there and I start punching it.

Would it be wrong, would it be right?

If I took my life tonight,

I take a knife Jack brought and start cutting the pillow apart and throwing it around, feathers flying everywhere.

Chances are that I might

Mutilation out of sight

And I'm contemplating suicide

An elderly lady walking her dog looks at me in disgust. She stops and just stares.

"FUCK! SHE CANT DO THIS!!!" I scream. The lady grabs her dog and hurries off in the direction she came.

'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind

Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

Jack stands there, petrified.

Losing my sight, losing my mind

Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

An old cord phone lays next to the pile of stuff he brought. I take it and throw it. It comes apart and I pull the cords off. I start throwing them everywhere.

"GOD DAMMIT!!!!"

I never realized I was spread too thin

'Til it was too late and I was empty within

A stuffed dog is the next victim. I tear it's head off, stuffing falling out.

Hungry, feeding on chaos and living in sin

Downward spiral, where do I begin?

A salsa jar lays amongst the crap he brought. I throw it at the ground and salsa splatters everywhere, including on my white RVCA shirt. I don't give a shit!

It all started when I lost my mother

No love for myself and no love for another

I pick up a snow globe and look at Jack for permission. He just shrugs.

Searching to find a love upon a higher level

Finding nothing but questions and devils

I throw it to the ground, sparkles and water flooding the tarp.

'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind

One of Jack's old trophies sits there and I ask if it's okay. He shrugs again.

Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

Losing my sight, losing my mind

Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

I hit it against the wall and parts of it fly in all directions.

Nothing's alright, nothing is fine

I'm running and I'm crying

I grab his broken guitar he was planning on putting in the trash. It has a broken neck.

I'm crying

I can't go on living this way

I lift it above my head and smash it on the ground.

Cut my life into pieces

This is my last resort,

I continue to smash the guitar, till there's nothing left to smash of it.

Suffocation, no breathing

Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding

I throw the watermelon to the ground and it splatters all over me.

I continue to smash and break things until the song ends.

I take a deep breath. I feel calmer now.

"So do you want to talk, G?"

"She wants an abortion. But I don't want that. I want this kid. As weird as it is for a teen guy to say he wants a kid at this age, it's true. I mean. I thought about it and this is my kid. I made it. And I don't want it to just be killed. I love that kid. We have a connection. I made something living. Why can't she love it too? I want to show that I want to be responsible and help her. I don't want to leave her. And most guys would. If it was a different girl, I would probably ditch her. But Lizzy's different. She's.. Perfect. She's caring, sweet, loving, funny. I love her. And she's carrying my baby. I want this baby. I want a family with her. I don't want to be regretting that I lost that kid for the rest of my life. I want to raise it. I don't care what the kid is. If it's a girl or a boy. I love it. I really do."

I look around at the mess I made. But then I notice two things I never saw until now. I got an idea. I guess it would be good to get this last bit of anger out so I don't hurt anyone or myself.

Two printers. Why does he have two printers I would be allowed to smash?

"Jack, can we just make a vine or something. I just need to smash one more thing. Okay? Can this one just be in good humor?" He just nods. I think he's a bit afraid after seeing me release all that anger. I'm not usually like that.

We decide to practice a little before because we only have one shot at this one.

I pretend to be looking at one of the printers.

"Yo Jack, where do you want this new printer?" I ask when he starts filming.

"Uh just set it next to the other one."

"Got it." With that I lifted it above my head and threw it down against the other one, afterwards, just sweeping my hands against each other.

"What the hell?" JJ says.

"What?" I look at the camera like I did nothing wrong. We watched it over to see if it was okay. It was perfect! I'm glad I finally had calmed down. We put it on vine with the caption "the overly-aggressive friend."

That felt good. Getting it out of my system. After we went inside and got some food to eat, I felt my phone buzz. I take it out of my pocket and look at the caller ID.

Lizzy.

This chapter was really fun to write! The song I used was Last Resort by Papa Roach, one of my favorite songs of all time! Did you guys like Jack's POV? I don't know if I'll do it a lot. It just felt like I should get that because it would fun to write his anger. (:

Oh and if this seemed a bit choppy, it's because I had to move some things around after I had finished it, when I was writing a different chapter and I realized it didn't add up. So I had to change it so it would work with that other chapter (:

Okay so I wrote this at night a week or so ago, and when I wrote it it seemed totally legit, but when I was editing the italics and stuff, I realized I made him seem like a crazy person so sorry about that lol (: