Can you fix my heart? 💙ChaeLisa💜

Twenty- Eight

"I'm referring to my wife." Wife. She used to call me that. But why now? She looked at me intently and I suddenly felt lost with myself. Once again, I was speechless.

"I'm sorry." She blurted out.

"For what?" Even though I know what she's taling about

"For what I did to you. For every pain that I inflicted upon you. I know I can't turn back the time, it's too late. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Rosie." With that, she broke down in tears.

"It's already in the past, Lis. It already happened but I just hope you learned something out of it."

"Why are you still so nice to me after all, Rosie?" She held my hand. I just let her besides I missed the feeling anyway.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I looked at her in the eyes.

"It was just.." she looked away, shook her head and fiddled with her fingers, a sign that she's nervous "I just expected you to be so mad at me for what I did. Yet once again, you showed me otherwise. You could've hurt me because that's what I deserve"

"I would've could've, should've but I didn't, Lisa"

"Why? I just don't get it, Rosie. You have a choice. I mean, I would understand if you ignore me, slap me or get rid of me but this, you being so nice to me, I just can't seem to wrap my head around it " She looks so confused.

"Yes, I do have a choice and I chose not to hold a grudge against you. It won't do me good, Lis and it would just hinder me to be happy. It's a waste of energy. It's really quite painful to maintain and why would I keep my wounds open when I found my will to live. I already forgave you a long time ago even before you asked for it "

"I miss you, Rosie." I can feel my heart's beating fast. I want to hug her so much, to tell her that I miss her too. My eyes betrayed me and I felt my tears welling up but I have to fought it back. I looked at her.

"Why did you hurt me then?" Even I was appalled by my question but it's too late to take it back. I guess it's now or never.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Rosie. I had to admit that I became so much interested in knowing Sorn more. I haven't met someone who's more like me."

I understand where she's coming from, maybe she just grew tired of me because for the past 10 years we've been together as friends and meeting someone like her overwhelmed her but I didn't expect that years after, it still hurts this much.

"You didn't even notice that I was hurting, I lowered myself just for you, I begged for your attention but you always look at me with so much disgust." No matter how much I tried to be strong, I always end up crying. It feels good to let it out, though.

"I really don't understand myself at that time. It may sound dumb but I hate myself for hurting you that's why I keep pushing you away because I know you don't deserve someone like me."

"That's bullshit, Lisa. I didn't give up on you. I sticked by your side even though I was hurting. Even after you told me that you love Sorn when you were asleep. You don't know how much it felt like. How dead I was but I stayed with you even if I was struggling emotionally and psychologically because I was waiting and hoping that you'll go back to me. I was holding on to your love, Lisa but that love tried to kill me."

"I'm sorry, I know it's all my fault." She's sobbing. It hurts me to see her hurting too but I needed this, to free all the pain that I have in me. I thought I was okay, that I'm healed but it seems like I'm not.

"Do you remember when you told me that you'll help me overcome my insecurities? You know how much inferior I think of myself yet you're the one who destroyed me. You made me feel more insecure as if I wasn't enough. You made me feel unworthy of someone's love but I guess you always find pleasure in hurting me. Isn't it funny how we're meant to be together? You're a sadist and I was a masochist. Always willing to be your victim." I chuckled bitterly.

"If only I can undo the past and make things right. I am really sorry."

"Don't regret any of it. It was all that you've wanted at some point in your life. I have to go now, Lis. My daughter is waiting for me."

"You have a daughter? Who's the father?" I can see agony and remorse in her eyes. I can sense panic in her voice.

"Yes, I have and as for the father? You don't have to know." I began to walk away but what she did next made my knees tremble and my whole body felt weak.

"It doesn't matter if you have a daughter. I will love her the way you love me. 2 years had been a living hell for me. I feel empty without you. I need you in my life because I love you. Can you still give me a chance? I will make things right this time, Rosie." She back hugged me while she was sobbing. It was what I wanted to hear 2 years ago, that she wanted me in her life. My heart hurts when I see her like this.

"You know what? I was hoping for a "better you" to come back to me before I left. I patiently waited for you, Lisa but things don't happen the way we wanted it to be. If there's one good thing that happened, it was when I found a "better me" in the process." I took a deep breath before continuing...

"I'm sorry but I no longer want you back."