Inevitable Flaw

Chapter 3: Fear

His attire is an honest cliche - white shirt, black leather jacket, and blue denim held up by a Gucci belt. Yet, I linger over the soft brunette hair that was once a shade lighter against the summer sun.

Eyes beam on him as he walks towards the seat adjacent to mine in utter obliviousness. He confidently holds out his chair and faces the front with distasteful posture. His eyes focus on the teacher's words with subtle arrogance. I feel compelled to face him in hopes of slicing our invisible mist of tension. My trance is humiliated when he returns with a confused expression. I unnaturally snap to the front.

Eventually he looks ahead, but not before my cheeks are burning my entire face. Fortunately, my focus returns. But after the tedious lecture elongates, I begin to stare at Ms. Carrel's ghostly figure move about in silence.

The loud bang of a bell pops my little bubble. Every one desperately rushes out to exit the room, making me wonder if this race with time illusioned an acceleration of the remaining day.

Fruitless, but hopeful.

I get out of my chair, neatly place my course outline into my folder, and throw my bag over my shoulder. With schedule in hand, I begin my exit.

The sudden shove against my shoulder forces me to look to my side at Adam. He walks in front with his cheek raised as if he is smiling.

Pre-calculus drags on in the same eventless manner. I find myself wishing I didn't come today.

Fortunately, the relief of lunch pants its way.

"Over here!" Nura screeches from the other side of the hallway. Sophia stands beside her, trying to capture my attention with hyper hands.

Through a smile, I walk over to them.

Nura is the tallest of us and has a slim physique. I watch as her sea green eyes grin when I move in for a hug. Sophia embraces me at identical height, her fragile body crushed between my arms.

Since Ramadan prevents us from eating, we find leisure in roaming around the school. It feels like old times. We reminisce about previous years while incognizant of the people around us. Eventually, we part to the bell. I head into chemistry with my cheeks aching from abused laughter.

My chemistry teacher is hunched over and covered in wrinkles of wisdom and a balding head. His entire body shakes as he walks. I find myself motivated by the level of passion he holds for his job at such an age.

After a million hours of listening to a monotonous tone, I am free.

Considering it is the first day, I use free period as reason for early dismissal. I text Aasif about my leave before grabbing my jacket.

Even while being shelled in my own mind, I notice Adam exiting the school.

I try to walk as loudly and heavily as I can in hopes that he will hear me. Why? I don't know.

His feet stop. I watch with heavy breaths as he glances over at his peripheral vision. Then a second travels and he continues moving forward, his body following a noise.

I creep a little closer to his friends loudly greeting him. Their car blares music with strong profanity. They transition from the handshakes into a black vehicle.

As soon as I get in my car, my numb fingers flick the heater to its full capacity. As I viciously rub warmth into my limbs, the moving vehicle forces me to turn to my side.

I take in Adam at the wheel and the rowdy background. He throws a drink out the window and laughs as it splatters across the snow. And then they're off, speeding in insanity.

I quickly dispose the plastic cup and drive home feeling disappointed in Adam's actions.

I place my keys onto the dining table and throw myself face first onto the couch. While I scan my cell phone, a heaving noise summons me. It follows with violent coughing, as if someone is choking and a second later, the clearing of a throat.

The whole process repeats.

My heart skips some beats as I welcome paralysis.

"Mama?" I yell cautiously.

"Up here," her shaking voice resurrects every goosebump across my body.

I run for the stairs, my heart knocking harder with every step. I follow the sounds to my parent's bathroom.

My father leans against the sink, his hand veins bulging with force. I try to swallow the brick in my throat as I watch his pale face hung low. My mother supports his lack of balance and has her eyes locked in desperation.

His eyes strain as he coughs up yellow pain.

I look back at mama for answers, the tears aware. My lungs suffocate as the earthquake in my body reawakens.

"Mama?" my lips quiver. I study her red eyes through blurry vision.

After violently rubbing at the flood of tears, I gather her blood drained face. I watch her lag with contemplation. Then, she just wails.

My knees buckle to support the lost sensation in my legs as I wait for her to gather herself.

"The cancer," she sobs into her hand.

My eyes widen before clots of tears race without consent. The shivering violates my body as shards of glass. I reach for the doorknob but the numbness in my hands won't consent. It takes every inch of energy to crouch down the hard bathroom door and hang my head between my knees. I plug my ears but it doesn't work.

The sounds cloud my focus.

And it's so terrible.