The Silence Within

Chapter 52

Tilting her head back, she held the bottle to her gapped lips. The upturn of the bottle of vodka resulted into nothing dropping on her tongue. Lines creased on her banging forehead. She shook the glass container that was abode to an expensive drink but nothing came out of it. She brought down the bottle to her drooping eyes to notice it was empty. With a tired sigh, she left the transparent glass rolling down the room.

There is only one way to clear her head, to let the bad memories pass like a music on the radio she does not like and that was drinking. What she had been doing since the day she left the doctor's office. She wanted to get up, walk down the hallway to get another bottle of drink but her body's not moving the way she wanted it to. It's exhausted. But she needs another drink.

Slurring unreasonable words, she used the bed post as an aid to rise up. Her body swayed left and right when she stood on two wobbly legs. She exhales again. The images before her eyes were merging into one another, becoming twos and threes. Her brains sent signals that told her what to do. This time, her body listened. She moved.

The floor felt like the deck of a boat flung side to side by a rainstorm. She stumbled down the hallway, most time, using the wall as a support for her unbalanced body. Her head spun in a funny way. Every step meet the sea blue floor like the clash of feet and marble was not fully projected. So she lurched and tripped. Now, she rested on the bar counter, more exhausted than ever. Her shaky hand reached for a new bottle of vodka. She had not bother about taking a swifter. Instead, she took a swig of the colourless substance that influenced her. She wanted to drown her sorrow in alcohol but she kept drowning in the sorrow. There was emptiness inside her. She needed the drink to tune down the volume of her thoughts but it seem to increase them.

Alcohol in hand, she slouched to the floor of the bar. She sighed again, feeling the buss in her blood stream just what she wanted. A child was just what she wanted. A child. Just one child. She did everything in her power to get that child. IVF and many medications but nothing worked. She kept having the same result over and over again. What wrong did she ever do? She did not abort any pregnancy. She was careful during her youthful days not to do anything that will hinder her from giving birth. Where did she do or go wrong?

"Jesus Christ! Damilola!" Someone shouted. "What have you done to yourself?" She slumped against the wall, warm liquid raining down her cheeks. There was quick sound of footsteps. "Dammy, you can't do this to yourself" Hands came around her.

"Let me be" She slurred, throwing those hands away. The harsh scent of alcohol emitted her breath, drifting into Tanwa's nostrils. Tanwa choked and grimaced.

"I can't. Drinking won't solve the problem. How much alcohol have you taken? You are wasted"

"Tanwa, I was not pregnant. The doctor said some stupid medical terms that were the reasons behind those symptoms"

"I know but you have to pull yourself together. If you want to go to an orphanage and get a child, you have to be sober. No one will give a child to someone who drinks and you are not an alcoholic. Don't become one now"

"I had hope. I did. What wrong did I ever do?" Her words overlapped against one another but Tanwa understood them. "Why does my body have to keep failing me? I just want a baby. Just one child! Just one!" She lifted a trembling finger.

"And you will have your child. You will hold your child"

"How will I have a child when I can't get pregnant? How?"

"Adoption"

Aunty Dammy snickered. "You all do not understand. Do you? I don't know how this will make me sound but I want my own child. A child I will carry and bear. I know there are lot of children out there who need a family but I want a child with my own laugh and my husband's eyes. A child with my husband's face and my nose. A child that have my gene. Do you understand?"