The Silence Within

Chapter 18

Few staggering steps and Lola was on the floor next to the water closet pouring out the content of her stomach. Her head felt light and her body had no stamina to hold itself. She used the wall of the stall as support, allowing the barf to roll out. She could barely see from her hazy eyes.

Relieved, she flushed and walked out to the row of sinks. The mirror showed her how she appeared, weary and sick. Lola rinsed her mouth and splashed water over her face which eased her. This was as a result of memories and her visitation to a place she had some sort of phobia for, the hospital. She disliked it. It gave her unwanted memories. Tired, she rested her head on the sink and willed herself to sink back into the past.

"Ma'am" a voice called. It thinned out, very distant. "Can you hear me?"

In the backdrop, she heard the distance shrill of sirens, the stomping of feet and authoritative dictation of orders. The hand that rested on her shoulder could barely be felt. All she could feel was pain, pain that bit deep into her. Her breathing was shallow and eyes grew blurry. Images merged into one another as she tried moving her lips to talk. Nothing came out. Not even a tiny squeak. What she could feel was soreness, a twinge that made her cringe a bit.

"Can someone get me a paramedic here?" the same voice was strained, barely heard but she could make out the words. Little by little, her eyes rolled back behind her head. She tried, really tried to stop herself from slipping into darkness but it seemed her body had wanted to give up, give up due to tiredness from the violent event that had occurred.

Someone had placed something over her nose. Whatever it was, it had made breathing easier. She felt the sting when something else had been inserted into the back of her hand. The pounding in her head felt like someone drummed against it. At a snail's pace, she gave away to darkness.

The unexpected shake on her shoulder brought her back. She raised her heavy eyes to see who it was. Michelle gazed down at her with worry, eyes meeting hers as though she wanted to read them.

"Are you OK? I saw you running towards here"

"I wanted to use the toilet"

"You look faint Lola"

"No, I am alright" Lola stood straight trying to wear a mask.

"You are not. You are pale"

She gave her a weak smile "You have nothing to worry about, cousin. I am perfectly alright"

"I don't believe you" Michelle wrapped her hand around her arms and gave her a pointed look. The kind that says don't hide anything from me.

Michelle was Lola's cousin. Her father's younger brother's daughter. They were stuck together until Lola had to leave for California. The distance drifted them apart. Since Lola had been back to Nigeria for over a year, they had tried making up for the time they lost and rebuild the relationship that almost died.

"I need to have water and there is something called phobia. I have phobia for hospitals" a smile formed over her lips. This time it was teasing. "It is not like you do not have phobia for cats"

Michelle pouted, her eyebrows came together. "Don't remind me of that" she said, displeased with a dismissal wave of her hand.

"How is grandpa?" they strolled out of the restroom.

"He is still unconscious. I spoke to grandma. She told me why he had a cardiac arrest" Lola halted.

"Why?"

"Because he had so much on his mind. He had been hypertensive so I think whatever might have caused them to leave your home had bothered him"

"Mummy was angry because they were trying to force me on a guy I do not like"

"Josh?"

"How did you know him?"

"When you have a grandmother like ours, I have high probability of knowing everything about him" her grin became mysterious which Lola lifted an eyebrow at "I heard he is handsome"

"Of course he is" Not when he has a face that was too appealing to reject.

"Then why don't you like him?" Michelle shrieked, soared as grabbed her cousin's hand. Her eyes had brightened with a luminous grin.

"Because nothing about him attracts me"

"So as I was saying, she said he had been worried about you. You do not even make an attempt to have a boyfriend" Lola peered her eyes. Where is this leading to? "Guys come, you go out with them a time or two then drop the bomb that you can't have anything to do with them. That's called playing Lola. You play guys"

"Finally someone understands what I do. Play guys" she quoted the words with her fingers and rolled her eyes.

"Grandpa understands you. He knows why you are like this but it seems you are too blind to notice the right man"

"Right man?" Lola sneered. "Who told you Josh is right for me?"

"I don't know him but with what I have heard about him from your siblings, he sounds interesting. Grandpa said he can never choose the wrong man for you. He sees what you do not see in this guy. Give him a chance"

"They want me to marry him!"

"What's bad in that?" she said to her cousin's bewilderment.

"You are asking me that? It is bad in every way. Marriage is not a bed of roses. For those who know one another, it is hard. What will happen to strangers like Josh and I?"

"You will get to know Josh"

"Abeg, spare me that. You make it sound so easy when it is not"

"Lola" Michelle blew out air from her lips and closed her eyes. She does not know what to tell her again. Everyone had kept telling her to give someone a try but it fell into deaf ears. She opened her eyes to meet her cousin's questioning ones. "I don't know what to say anymore but I know you love grandpa. I know you really do. We all do. Then I will say this. If you want him to be well, please try to do what he wants. He might be old but no one wants him dead soon and for Josh, give him a chance" she pats her cousin's shoulders before leaving.

Lola slithered down the white wall. She buried her face into her laps, her hands on her neck. She felt weak. Her head still felt weightless and she could still feel the bile in her throat. They don't understand. No one understands. Her mother does. She was the only one who understood what happened that night in California when she had almost died. The hospital seemed to force everything forward. Images surged in. It was where she ended after that near death experience. That was where her fear for hospitals began. Hospitals will remind her about her bitter past.

He had thrown her down the staircase after she had a broken leg in the process of running. He was crazy. He had gone mad and wild. He was savage like a lion. His angry face flashed in her head. The twin foes of anger and determination to do wicked were in his eyes. She saw herself, the shaken feeble lady in a torn white robe. It happened all because she could not sleep with him. She threw her head back, looked intently at the light, rocking back and forth to calm her tremulous nerves. The pressure was getting too much. It was everywhere.

Hot tears rushed into her eyes. She won't cry, she consoled herself. They won't make her cry. She encircled her arms over her body. She won't cry for anyone. That man will not make her cry. He is in the past and that's where he is meant to be.

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