Chapter 16: Self Control

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"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Kylie spoke softly to Kim as Noel slept the next day. The whole family was still in his hospital room for moral support still not wanting to leave his side.

"Yeah sure." Kim stood following Kylie out of his room and into a private waiting room. "Could you guys stay outside? It's kind of private." She spoke to the camera crew who nodded knowing anything involving Noel was not going to be filmed at this point in his life.

She proceeded to close the blinds then sat across from Kim.

"So what's up?" Kim asked. "Um. I don't know how to say this really." Kylie played with her fingers. "Okay so what's it about maybe we could talk this through." Kim nodded.

"So you know Noel was with Trevante yesterday?" Kylie led off. "Yeah he was in Trevante's car when the accident happened." Kim followed. "After the wreck initially happened Trevante was like trying to comfort Noel and he let a few things slip. I don't think he noticed because it was in the moment but.." "So what was he saying?" Kim asked.

"He was calling him like baby boy and Noey and asking was he okay. Noel was telling him to keep talking so he wouldn't you know like freak out. Then he was telling Noel like I need you to stay up with me and not go to sleep and after he went to sleep he was like screaming and freaking out." Kylie told her. Kim looked deep in thought.

"He's been like really shady about his relationships especially with boys in the last few years. Have you not noticed?" Kylie asked. Kim shook her head. "Him and Jaden got in a fist fight a few days ago so I have noticed but I thought nothing of it." She said softly.

"Are you trying to say Noel's gay?" Kim asked. "I wouldn't say gay but I do think him and Trevante are in a relationship or starting one." Kylie confessed.

"Me and Kanye have talked about this a lot lately. Kanye noticed it first and talked to me about it after he and Vic stopped talking to each other at first. He sensed there were underlying issues there but let them figure it out themselves." Kim told her little sister who's eyes widened.

"Noel is still figuring things out and we're not trying to pressure him into telling us but we're also trying to coax him into letting us in whenever he's comfortable." She continued. "Now this just confirms things for us." Kim sighed.

"Do you want me or Kendall to talk to him about it?" Kylie asked. "No, I know Noel. If you even hint that you know something he'll shut down. He's done it since he was younger and it's gotten worse over time." Kim shook her head.

"I feel like he's scared to even tell us things. I'll ask him about simple things and he'll deflect and change the subject just so he doesn't have to answer." Kylie said softly. "He and Trevante were really close at the party I hope nobody noticed because I just know he'll freak." She followed up.

"He said he spoke to my dad while he was asleep. Noel said he told him to talk to me and mom about things so I hope he finally speaks on this." Kim crossed her arms.

There was a knock on the door stopping their conversation as they looked to see who was at the door. "Hey, the doctor needs you to sign off of Noel's release forms so he can leave in the morning." Kris entered the room and closed the door. "I'll be there in a second." Kim cleared her throat. "I'll talk to you about this later Kyls." She stood and exited the room leaving Kylie to her thoughts.

//

"Noely!" My mom snapped a picture of me

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"Noely!" My mom snapped a picture of me. I smiled blocking the camera. "I look bad." I laughed softly leaning back in my seat. "Those bandages look cute Noel stop it!" She kissed my cheek. "You're supposed to say that mom." I groaned.

"I am but it doesn't make it less true." She cooed. I rolled my eyes playfully. "Yeah yeah ma." "I'm just so glad you're okay." She kissed my forehead. I nodded silently agreeing. "I thought I was going to die." I confessed. "I didn't even mean to fall asleep." I said softly.

"I'm sorry for scaring you mom." I told her to which she wiped under her eyes. "I'm just happy you're okay." She wrapped her arms around me. "I love you." I hugged her back with a sigh. "Where are my siblings?" I asked after a beat.

"They're with Caitlyn along with Mase and P." She answered getting her phone out to FaceTime them. My grandfather picked up on the first ring smiling wide once she saw that I was beside my mom. "Hey buddy! I assume everything's okay?" She asked. "Yeah just a little sore and I have a big scar from where they had to massage my heart." I told her.

"I'll be alright in about a week though." I smiled. "Noely!" North crawled up onto my grandfathers lap followed by P. "Hi babygirls!" I greeted them both getting smiles from them. "You're coming home?" North asked. "Yeah. We're on the way now. I miss you." I told her. "I miss you too!" North smiled at me.

"I miss you too P!" I told my baby cousin causing her to blush. "I love you!" Penelope told me with a smile. "I love you too." I blew her a kiss. "Where's Saint?" I directed my attention to Caitlyn. "I just put him down for a nap and Mase is somewhere doing his own thing." She answered. I nodded.

"I'll call you later Caitlyn." I smiled. "I'll be waiting buddy. I love you." She told me. "I love you too." I told her right back. "I'll see you at home North." I blew her a kiss before hanging up and handing the phone back to my mom.

"Can we take a detour to the studio?" I asked my mom. "Noel the doctor said no work for two weeks!" She told me. "I know but I really want to go. I want to do a cover and finish this song. Then I'll take a break. I promise." I pleaded. She sighed giving in easily. "2 songs then we're headed home! I mean it Noel!" She pointed her finger at me. "I got it mom." I smiled.

//

As we entered the studio I immediately set up grabbing a guitar and jamming out random cords.

"It's nothing, it's nothing." I hummed. I wrote down the thought not really knowing the direction I wanted to go in. I'm making this my mission to be my last Jaden filled song. Sort of like a farewell in a sense.

I pulled out my phone from my pocket and turned on the voice recorder so I could piece together the song later once I gathered my thoughts.

"I'll be the boyfriend in your wet dreams tonight." I hummed as I replayed the first cord. "Little virgin wears the white."

"Wish we'd grown up on the same advice! And our time was right." I stopped recording turning to my laptop to actually record the guitar cords.

"No!" I heard my stepdad's voice call from behind me. I turned to see him with his laptop too smiling at me. "Hey!" I hugged him. "I was on my way back to the hospital but your mom said you were here. You got a song you wanted to work on?" He asked pulling up a chair.

"Yeah I just recorded some lines and cords. It's kind of angst." I chuckled. "Sad songs get you through hard times." He shrugged setting up his laptop also. "So I spoke to Push and he wants to make all of the prior songs you recorded an EP except the songs with Justine since they are hers." He informed me. I nodded. "With that being said, do you want to be on the cover art?" He asked. "No, especially not looking like this. Actually can it just be a black out? Those songs are kind of personal after all." I asked.

"Whatever you want. You have full creative control over everything." Kanye smiled. "An artist also contacted us for you to go on tour with them at the start of summer. But we have to get everything clear before we can confirm it. But I know you'll like it." He told me. I nodded with a smile but my mom cleared her throat behind us.

"Who is it?" She asked. "I can't reveal." My dad smiled playfully holding up his hands in surrender. She rose her eyebrow. "We'll talk later." She sighed.

"Anyway. Get in the booth. I'll handle everything out here." He told me putting his earphones half on his ears. "Wait." I said softly. "Before we start I just need you two to promise to not ask questions. I just need a little more time. Okay?" I pleaded with my eyes to both of my parents. "When you're ready we're here to listen. Promise." My mom immediately reassured me to which my dad nodded along.

I sighed in relief. "Thank you."

//

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