Things Are Different

Chapter 12: Voices In My Head

"So? What did you two do yesterday?" My Aunt asked. We were sitting in her sun room the day after Trevante visited. The kids were somewhere in the house in various places.

"Nothing just watched movies and entertained the kids." I shrugged my shoulders. "Do I need to wash the sheets when you leave?" She rose her eyebrow playfully. "Ew no KeKe! I would never do that, not here anyway." I laughed. "Just checking, I know about Netflix and chill Noel." She shrugged. "What!" I full out laughed. "We're not even there yet. And P was with us so definitely not." I stretched out on the couch.

"Okay, okay." She giggled. "So we need to talk about the situation because your mom is coming over later and that scratch is very noticeable." She continued. I nodded avoiding her eyes.

"What happened?" She asked. "Like tell me everything. Start to finish." She sat up to listen. "I went to his house to talk to him about everything that was going on. We were arguing and things just got out of hand. He punched me first and we fought." I shrugged.

"Noel this is serious you do know that right? He hit you!" She wasn't amused. "I know Ke. I just don't want to relive it. It's over and done with." I sighed. "Your mom is gonna badger you with questions about your face and what happened." She told me.

I nodded silently looking down at my hands. "Okay Noel what's up? You're never like this with me so something is really bothering you." She sighed. I shook my head. "Nothing." I clenched my jaw.

"Just a lot on my mind right now I guess. I need to go to the studio." I stood pulling my hood back on my head.

"Hey!" My moms voice rang out through the house. I sighed knowing I almost missed her and wouldn't have to explain my face. "In the sunroom!" KeKe yelled back.

"Noely!" My mom immediately hugged me from behind. I smiled turning around and hugging her. She climbed over the couch and fully hugged me. "I missed you so much!" She giggled.

Her smile immediately went away as soon as she saw my face. She took the hood off my head and examined my face. My eyes watered as her silence spoke louder than anything. My aunt walked out of the room along with the cameras to give us some privacy.

"What happened?" She asked softly. "And don't lie to me Noel." She caressed my face. "I got into a fight with Jaden Monday." I told her. "He hit you first or you hit him first?" She asked. "He hit me." I spoke sitting back on the couch. My mom tucked her legs under herself and leaned on the couch beside me. She ran her fingers over my hair because she knew it comforted me.

"Do you know why he hit you? You two didn't seem to have problems when we left for New York." She asked. I nodded. "I'm not ready to discuss it yet." I avoided her eyes. "Well that's okay. Talk when you're ready." My mom nodded. "Is this why you haven't been home?" She followed up. I nodded again.

"Noel." She pulled my face up to meet her eyes. "Don't hide things from me okay?" She said sternly. I nodded. "I need you to say it though Noel. We can't keep having this discussion about you hiding things from me." She stared at me dead in the eyes. "I gotcha mom." I said softly.

"When are you coming home?" She asked. "Maybe right now. I want to go to the studio but I'll just record downstairs. I miss North and Saint." I admitted with a small smile. "They miss you too. Saint has been asking for you a lot." She smiled. "I have to go talk to KeKe and I'll be ready to go." I kissed her forehead and headed to find Kourtney.

"Keeks!" I yelled. "Kitchen!" She responded. I smiled heading in her direction. "Hey." She looked up from her phone. I hugged her tight which she reciprocated. "Thank you." I whispered. I felt her nod against my shoulder. "Anytime." She said back releasing the hug and rubbing my back.

"I'm gonna head back home today but I'll be back in a few days." I said. She nodded. "Call me if you need me okay?" She asked. "You know I will." I smiled.

//

Noel you're going to have to tell her sooner or later.

Leave me alone. It's not the right time. Everything's good right now.

So when is the time going to be right? Because there never is a right time to tell her you're gay.

Then I'll never tell her.

So you are okay with being miserable for the rest of your life? Suffering in silence, like always?

If it doesn't bring attention to me then yes!

Dude are you delusional! You got your ass beat by one of your close friends and you don't think you're drawing attention to yourself! Do you not remember Kendall finding you half de-

Shut up! We are never talking about that again! It's the past!

It's not the fucking past Noel! Do you not see the pattern! The secrets, this slow fall from your sanity! Noel get a grip!

This discussion is over Damien!

You hold this off long enough and I will tell her! You won't have a choice!

Fuck you!

I have been keeping you alive for years now and you know it! Who do you think was the one to tell off Jaden because it surely wasn't your sorry ass! The next time you let somebody hit you I'm not holding off, they're dead and so are you! When are you going to realize this sad boy act isn't working for you!

I hate you!

That's fine by me!

"Noel!" I was snapped out of my head by knocking on my window. "You've been sitting here for ten minutes staring into space." My mom told me as I opened my door. "I know I'm sorry. Just in my head." I chuckled getting my things from my car.

"I think I'm going to get Lovely to set and appointment for you with our family therapist." She caressed my face. "Mom I'm fine." I tried to reassure her. "No, you're not. Why is it so easy for you to lie to me?" Her face contorted into a very hurt expression.

"I don't mean to. I'm just. I'm protecting you." I said softly avoiding her eyes yet again. But all I got was a scoff in return. "Go in the house. Don't mention anything to your brother and sister. I'll make sure to have Lovely call you about the appointment." She shook her head. I only nodded stuffing my hands into my pockets.

"I'm sorry."

//