kiwi

EIGHTY EIGHT

dan waited. he waited and waited, but the one thing he had been anticipating didn't happen. on the way to the pizza place, phil talked about how excited he was to start their future but nothing happened. while they were eating, they spoke about various topics from work to their friends but still nothing. on the way home, they talked about how much they love each other and yet, nothing. dan doesn't know why he was expecting it tonight or why he was expecting it all.

he was constantly reminding himself that it had nothing to do with him and that phil was probably waiting for the right time. they went on random little dates all the time, dan shouldn't have assumed tonight was going to be the night that he promised to be phil's forever. hell, for all he knows phil doesn't even have a ring. the thing is: he doesn't even need one but phil would go to his grave insisting he does.

"what's on your mind?" phil asked, plopping down on the sofa next to dan with the tv remote in hand. they were about to watch a movie and dan was still as anxious as ever.

"you." dan smiled when phil rested a hand on his cheek, thumb running over his cheekbone. they kissed, it was sweet and short and left dan wishing it was longer.

"tell me what you're really thinking about," phil said. he put the remote down beside him so he could cup dan's face.

"it's stupid," dan dismissed. he knew phil would not put up with that, not when dan was in such a state of anxiety and overthinking.

"shut up, it's not."

"you don't even know what i'm going to say."

"i don't care. i can fully tell it's having a huge toll on you. you know you can tell me," phil said gently. dan put a hand over one of phil's, leaning into the touch.

"you do want to marry me, right?" dan was hesitant as he said it, carefully watching phil's face for his reaction. phil sighed and kissed his forehead, letting out a small chuckle in the process.

"have you been waiting for me to propose to you all night?" phil laughed.

"maybe," dan huffed. the pout on his face making phil's expression quickly change to something serious and less playful.

"oh dan, you're so cute. when you're thinking so hard about it and waiting for it, it won't be a surprise will it? i won't get your authentic reaction, will i?"

"i suppose not."

"i promise you i'm only waiting for the right time, or what i feel is the right time because honestly, i don't think anyone can truly be ready. you are giving yourself to someone for the rest of your life and that's scary as hell."

"yeah, i just–i want it more than anything and i've never felt that before. i never thought i'd feel genuine love until i met you."