𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥

43; turned

It's been less then fourty eight hours since I had seen my beloved blonde who I knew I would never see again. I had said I'd spent so much time in my room and even after finding out, nothing had changed. I was crying my hearts content every hour and no one had cared. I look at my fake rainbows dancing around the room wishing I still felt the same way about their simplicity but I couldn't even smile as one flew onto my face the late sun coming from behind my bed smiling through the crystals. I frowned as I sat myself at my white desk and opened a journal I hadn't touched for ages since I had meet the boys over a year and a half ago. I flicked through looking at polaroids, entries and definitions of words I found fascinating. Ineffable, nefarious, sonorous, serendipity, iridescent, aurora, oblivion, all beautiful in their own way. I pushed into the back of my book searching for a blank white page. My fingertips ran down the sides of the book as I began writing a word in bold fine liner;

disconsolate;
very unhappy and unable to be comforted.

I pulled my watercolours out and drew swirls blending in with all the colours, vibrant unlike my life. I used to draw and paint when I was younger always thinking of the pain I could transfer onto the paper but this art is different, it was like emptiness or the urge to have the best life that I didn't have. Words were always my way out of things but art was a whole new dimension to get lost in. I looked over at my phone turning on some soft acoustic music with ed sheeren's song how would you feel playing through the speakers first. I tried to not let the tears slip as it began drifting through the melodies and harmonies. I smiled softly remembering the good times with Zach and the band why don't we. I let notes slip my mouth with lyrics trailing behind,

We were sitting in a parked car
Stealing kisses in the front yard

He smiled as he turned the engine off as we sat outside my house, it was late in the afternoon and we'd just been out for a late lunch and as usual the date with him was perfect. I blushed as he leaned across the consul of the car but my mind was laughing as I pulled away laughing while sprinting out of the car door. My dress flowed out behind me as I tried to hide quickly as I heard his door open but I had no hope as he ran after me around the front yard laughing till I could hardly breathe.

"Zach! Don't!" I yelled as he ran after me near the old willow tree, I stopped and soon he followed crashing into me causing us to fall over like the first encounter in the mall. He pressed his lips gently against my lips in peaks and I couldn't help but smile at his gorgeous intentions.

We got questions we should not ask but
How would you feel, if I told you I loved you?

The colours of pink, orange, yellow and a violet danced across the sky as he pulled me in by the waist. The crashing of the waves were so beautiful matching the amazing sunset in front of us. I could see him his eyes cast out in the distance, his face soft with his slightly pink cheeks. I laughed as he looked down realising that I had touched his jawline that I felt could nearly cut my finger. He laughed picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder making screams erupt from my stomach and others to look over at the chaotic mess which I wouldn't change for anything. Finally after much protest he put me down grinning while tugging me in for a hug

"How did I end up so lucky?" He whispered but I shook my head

"Don't ask questions I can't answer" I giggled a little into the warmth of his chest.

"Well then. How do I say that I love you?" I gasped looking up at his bright brown eyes smiling like an idiot but I was his idiot so everything was okay.