Undercover//N.H//(A.U)

Chapter 40

Kate's POV

I had fainted, due to malnutrition.

What the hell?

I then realised that I hadn't ate since Shaun had taken Niall and I and that I hadn't ate since I came to the hospital. They had injected me with a steroid and told me to make sure I kept eating and had told Lou to keep an eye on me.

"Hey," I heard Lou said as she came into Niall's room. I had my head on the side of Niall's bed and I had nearly fallen asleep.

"Hey, Lou," I mumbled and she placed something in my hand. An apple.

"Eat," she barked, pulling up a chair beside me. I bit into the apple, letting the juice of it fill my mouth and I laid back in my seat.

"Any improvement?" She asked, nodding to Niall and I shook my head, looking at the floor.

"Perrie is going to come up in about an hour, I told her that you would probably like her company?" She said and I smiled, nodding.

"He was going to propose to me," I whispered and Lou took my hand gently, squeezing it. I reached under his pillow and gave her the small box. She opened it and a tear fell from her eye.

"It's beautiful," she said, smiling and I nodded, taking it back, holding it in my hands.

"He will wake up, Kate. For you he will wake up," she said and I nodded once, praying that she was right.

"I have to go, there is a press meeting and I have to get the rest of the boys ready, but Perrie will be up soon," she said, kissing my cheek and I hugged her tightly.

"I'll see you soon," she said and I nodded and she went out the door, closing it quietly.

I sat the ring on the table beside the bed and I took Niall's hand carefully, so as not to move any of the wires sticking out of his wrist.

"Please, wake up," I whispered, resting my forehead on the bed. I raised my head again and looked at him. The bruises that were around his face. The pale colour of his skin. The massive bandage across the knife wound on his chest.

Something hit me.

This was my fault.

It was my fault that he was in this condition. If it wasn't for Shaun's fucking addiction to kill me, then he wouldn't be like this, he would be alright.

He only thing I have gave him since he has been with me is danger and hurt. I nearly died and now he is the one who has nearly died.

Jesus Chrsit, they didn't know when he was going to wake up. He didn't know he would have had a baby boy. Which is another thing that will rip his heart apart when he wakes up.

I've had enough.

I've had enough of hurting Niall when he didn't deserve it. I walked down the corridor a bit to the relatives room and ripped a piece of paper out of a drawing pad that was left for children and grabbed a pen that was sitting in a box.

I felt tears start to sting my eyes as I wrote.

Niall,

I have never felt pain like the pain that is in my heart right now as I am writing this letter. No bullet or blade can match the tearing feeling in my heart right now. I need to tell you a few things. We were going to have a baby boy, Niall. A baby boy. A son. There is a memorial garden and he has a cross there if you want to go see it. It is really beautiful. They also asked me to name him. James. That was the name I gave him. After you. Because you are the only person in my life that I care about the most. I also need you to know how much I love you. I love you so much and Harry showed me the engagement ring. I am honoured that you want me to be the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. But the thing is, all I have offered you is pain and misery. You almost lost me, you lost your son and you have nearly lost your life. I can't be around to hurt you anymore, Niall. I can't. Love is about many things but it is also about letting someone go when you love them the most.

So that's what I'm doing Niall.

I'm letting you go.

I love you.

Forever and always,

Kate.

I wiped my tears that were steadily falling down my face and folded the letter in half. I breathed deeply, putting my hand on the door handle to Niall's room and entered.

I walked over to the beside table, placing the letter down, putting the small black box on top of it. I paused before leaving and I kissed his forehead, keeping my lips there and twisted my fingers in his hair for what might be the last time. A tear fell from my eye on to his face and I wiped it off.

"I love you, Niall," I whispered, resting my forehead on his before leaving the room. And I ran into Perrie.

"Perrie, you cannot freak out, but... I'm going to leave Niall," I whispered and Perrie stood up.

"WHAT? Are you out of your fucking mind?" She screamed in my face and I stood up, getting into her face this time.

"Perrie! I have done nothing, but endanger his life over and over and over again! No one deserves that! And incase you didn't notice, Shaun is still alive! Even if he gets arrested, what will stop him escaping and coming for us again!" I yelled and Perrie came into my face again.

"So you're going to go off and be the hero then? The gallant hero who will sacrifice their love to keep them safe? Feed me some more bullshit, Kate!" She shouted and I gripped one of her arms.

"Don't you fucking dare, Perrie Edwards! You have no idea what I have been through! I have lost Niall and mine's child. Our son." I said and Perrie's whole expression changed.

"What?" She said and then I realised she had no idea that Shaun had made me lose the baby.

"He pushed me down the stairs. He made me chose between Niall and the baby. And when he told me he was going to go and kill Niall, I screamed for him to stop and he came and pushed me down the stairs, with a fucking smirk on his face." I whispered, the experience replaying in my mind.

"And then he stabbed Niall right in front of my eyes." I said and I felt tears, rolling down my cheeks.

"What would you do?" I whispered to her and she looked at me.

"If you were in my situation with Zayn, would you leave him?" I said and she sighed.

"To keep him safe," she whispered and she finally understood. I stood up and went towards the door.

"He will be heartbroken." Perrie whispered and I nodded.

"But I can't hurt him anymore," I whispered and I turned to Perrie.

"Just, look after him for me," I said and she nodded, pulling me in close.

I pulled away and walked out of the hospital, leaving my love behind. I also knew that my life could spiral out of control from here.

But I needed to keep Niall safe.

So that's what I was doing.

I was letting him go.