It was almost Christmas, the candles were beginning to reduce in their prices. The trees in the city were lit with bright red and green and yellow. The sky began to turn darker quicker than before. The air began to embrace its host in a cooler blanket. The hairs on its visitors arms would stand straight, in honor of the upcoming season.
Today marks the day of my realization. Today I realize how empty people truly are. How I believed creating a bond with another individual was a great thing, that breaking their barriers was such an accomplishment. But it isn't, it's a burden. You know why?
Because you lose your identity to them, you aren't who they thought you were anymore.
You're their diary. Always, listening to their life stories and pathetic mistakes over and over again. It was a mistake for me to be social. People are horrible selfish creatures. Give them a little extra attention you're a slut who has a crush on them or you're clingy. Give them too little attention you're recluse and stuck up.
Better not to give anyone attention right? Cater for your own needs and make sure you survive.
But what if you don't want to survive? What if you want to sink. Abandon this unjust world and lay in some ditch, watching the sky transition every few hours. Feeling the rain on your lips, watching the butterflies fly on top of you. Hearing the buzzes of the bees around your ears and smelling the sweet scent of the flowers filling your lungs.
What if death wasn't so dark and eerie? What if it was peaceful and made you feel whole? After that man defiled me, rendered me a disgusting human being and he left me in that place without a care in the world...I abandoned all help that God was going to help me.
He's watching, He won't interfere. He wants to see what we decide to do, whether we think twice or act without a second thought. Whether we are empathetic or cruel. Our true selves are ugly, selfish and sad. But some suppress that side of themselves, maybe if I live I can do that. I can use my time in this world to suppress my ugly side and persuade God that I'm a good person, that despite my sins and disobedience I will change for the better. I will save others and show a facade, a beautiful side I conjured. A mask I wear, aiding others, loving others with this mask.
Along with this, I can win this game. This gamble between God and Satan, if he can truly lead me astray. I won't let this gamble side with evil, humans are evil but we can suppress that part of ourselves and demonstrate the beauty we have in our souls. The way an innocent baby is a bundle of joy, pure and ignorant; humans can grow old and stay pure, bringing joy to others.
If this is what I must do then I will do it.
BẠN ĐANG ĐỌC
The Bad Girl and her Gang
Teen Fiction"YOU DIDNT SAVE ME!! None of you gave a fuck about me and I was left alone for six months with no one but coldness and darkness. You speak so highly of being strong? You couldn't protect your sister from being kidnapped and used like the marijuana y...
