You Light Up the Sky Like Lightning

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

I slowly turned around only to find Justin standing in the doorway with a sad and disappointed look on his face. His hands were behind his back, as if he was holding something. He looked . . . fragile, almost. 

He was staring at me, and I stared right back at him. His face was sad, as if what I had said really upset him. I tried to look away, but I couldn’t pull myself away from the big, brown eyes that I had recently come to love. 

"Um," Chaz said awkwardly, finally making Justin and I break eye contact. "Ryan and I will be outside or something."

The two of them quickly got up and left. Justin had to move for them to get out of the door, so he stepped inside my room when they had gone. Shutting the door softly, he turned back to me. I noticed he actually didn't have anything behind his back, as I thought he did earlier. 

I was a little scared to the conversation coming. I had just admitted to Ryan and Chaz that I liked Justin- with him standing there listening- on the same day that Justin had confessed he liked me. 

Call me crazy, but I was a little nervous. 

"Justin . . ." I started. But I stopped. I honestly didn't know what to say. 

Justin didn't move. He was leaning against the wall, staring at me. His face was still depressed-looking. 

Did what I said really hurt him? Is that even the right word? 

"Did you mean what you said?" he asked quietly. 

I took a deep breath, and stood up from the bed. I didn't move away from it, but I just played with my hands. 

"I don't know," I whispered, unsure if he could hear me or not. 

He walked over to me slowly. I was still playing with my hands, so he put his over mine. 

I hesitantly looked up at him. 

"What do I have to do to get you?" he asked quietly, his eyes boring into mine. "Because I'll do anything."

I sighed and looked down again. "Justin . . . I don't know. I've only known you for a week. I can't mean that much to you. It doesn't make any sense."

"But you do! I don't know why either! I can't help it, though. I really like you, Landry. I'm sorry for all the shit I've done to piss you off or hurt you, but please give me a chance?"

"Justin," I whispered. "Please don't make this harder than it has to be. Hear me when I say this: I like you, too. I really do. You mean a lot to me, and I don’t know how because I haven’t known you long. But I'm just not ready for a relationship right now. And even if I was, I just don't think we would last. I mean, with your fans and all, and always traveling, and always working, it just . . . wouldn't work out."

Justin looked down. His hands dropped from mine, and fell lifelessly to his side. 

"I'm sorry," I said again. "But with my family . . . er . . . problems, and between me having to talk to Carin and Scooter about it, and just . . . other problems, I'm just not ready."

Justin didn't say anything. 

"I'm sorry," I repeated. 

Justin took a deep breath. "Will you tell me when you are ready? Because I want to be in a relationship with you," he said. He looked back up to me. Well, I guess down because I'm a good five inches shorter than him. "You will tell me right?"

I smiled and put my hand on one of his. "Yes, I will tell you."

Justin smiled faintly. "Good. Because no matter how long it takes, I'm not going to change my mind. Somehow- even though I’ve been nothing but shit to you- you’ve quickly become one of the most important people in my life," he said as he intertwined his fingers with mine. Then he mumbled, "I don't want to lose you, Landry."

"I never said you were going to lose me, Justin," I said.  "I'll tell you when I'm ready for a relationship. I promise. I just need time."

He nodded, and unhooked his hand from mine. 

"I want you to be mine, Lan," Justin whispered- using the nickname he gave me- before turning towards the door. 

When he was about to walk out- but after he opened door- I called out, "Justin, wait."

He slowly stopped and turned to face me again. His face still had that look of disappointment on it, and it made me feel so guilty.  

"Hey," I said softly, and I walked over to him. When I got in front of him, I rose up on my toes and kissed his cheek. "I also promise that it won't be too long from now."

When I said that, Justin smiled softly. "Good," he whispered. 

I pecked his cheek again before he walked out. I sighed and closed the door after him. 

After that I walked over to my suitcase and quickly change into pajamas. I went in the restroom and did all that normal shiz people do before bed. 

When I was done, I went straight to the comfortable, waiting mattress. I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep, but I just couldn't. My mind kept wandering back to Justin, and I couldn't shake that conversation from my head. Did I make the right decision? I mean, I like him. I like him a lot, actually. I really do, but I guess I'm just scared to be in a relationship right now. I didn't want to be used and then dropped like I was nothing. All he's proven to me was that he can be a bi-polar stuck up pop-star. 

I knew that I wanted to be in a relationship with him, and I had no idea why. But I just can't do it now.  

After four long hours of thinking, I finally felt myself fall into the world of dreams.