I Don't Wike It: The Cliches and Sterotypes of Wattpad

This isn't Your Average Chapter....

Descriptions. Ah, where to begin?

Well....

Ever see a description on a book and it's a conversation? And then it cuts off before the conversation is ended after one character says or does something really crazy?

So you're like, "ooh! I want to see how the other character reacts! Let's read!"

So you read all 72 chapters, and that one convo isn't even in the book? Arghghfbarhfjfidndjfjgk

And that's just one of the awful ones.

In which 

Blegh. It was cool the first time I saw it, and then after the hundredth time I'm just like, "in which I roll my eyes so hard they fall out of my skull".

Mary Sue was just a normal girl, except that she —

 Okay, first off, don't do the oxymoron thing. If she's not normal, or average, then just say it, "Mary Sue was not a normal girl". But then she probably turns out to be like all the other Mary Sue's ever.

She never let anyone in. Until he came.

 Yeah, I made that dirty on purpose. 😏😏 

Anyway, why is it always some overbearing, bad boy dude that breaks down her emotional walls? Isn't he the kind of person that's the reason she even built them in the first place? No, wait. It was probably abusive or dead parents. Yeah.

*eye roll*

When Mary Sue was seventeen, her parents forced her to marry Mr. Suit, a billionaire—

 No. just gonna stop you there.

He pushed me against the wall, his hot breath brushing my forehead. "Mine," he growled.

NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT'S WITH THE WALL-PUSHING PEOPLE?? COME ON!!!!!! AND THE SEAGULLS!!!! WHYYYYYY?????

I let my bra slip off my body, revealing my boobs —

Ookay, shouldn't you save that stuff for the smut chapters?? Now I feel awkward. I mean, what if you were scrolling through books and there's one with a description that says, "his dick was huge!"? 

Well, I bet you $23.80 it would have like a billion reads.

My name is Mary Sue, and this is my story. 

No. Just no. Okay? I mean, you can write it like she's writing it, but try not to put it as bluntly as this. Or at least don't make this the only thing in the description. Because that's annoying.

Mary Sue finds out she is this werewolf's mate, and he's the alpha of the most terrifying pack in North America, the Moonlight Forest Howl Canine Fang Mine Pack. She becomes pregnant with his child and then he rejects her. Two years later, she returns from exile and he suddenly decides he wants her back. She lets him back in, and then the rogues attack —

Okay you just told me everything!!! Not that I wanted to know ANY of that stuff! Blegh

What if Voldemort had a daughter? What if Harry Potter had a sister? What if Hagrid was actually a woman?!

What if you didn't write descriptions with "what if" in them??

Platitude - the quality or state of being flat, dull, or trite.

Okay, I appreciate a vast vocabulary as much as anyone, but it's a little weird when the first thing you see is a word definition. I didn't come here to read a dictionary.

Mary Sue has been fighting her whole life, for survival. Her mom died when she was eight and her dad has been a mean drunk ever since -- 

Well, that's totally original!! And not platitudinous at all!!

This isn't your average story. 

But then it's like every other story ever.

Mary Sue!!!!!! Mr. Bad Boy Sex God Hot Stuff!!!!! Mates???!!!!! Rogues!!!!! Too many exclamation points and questions marks??????!!!!!! That could never happen!!!!!! Their love is foreverrrerr!!!!!1111!!!!!

Too many exclamation points and question marks, dude. Too many. Just saying.

Her life was forever changed when....

No! Just no. Okay? This, at some time, wasn't so bad, but now it's been so overused that just reading it brings on a cringe attack! Anyway....

In a world....

....Where X's and O's have been battling for dominance over the kingdom of Tictactoe since the beginning of time, what happens when a lowly X soldier falls for the O princess? 

The "in a world" thing is overused, but I can't help but like it, just a little. Sometimes. 

But honestly, some of these types of descriptions are fine. I just enjoy being dramatic.

+++

The key to a good description is to have the "one-two punch" - a good first sentence to draw them in, a little bit of info, but not enough to give away anything, and then the last, show-stopping sentence that makes the readers say, "oh my god, I need to read this!"

Short and sweet is my motto, straightforward, and to the point. But not everyone has to use this method - I just don't have the skill to be long winded.

My descriptions had rough drafts, I'm not even kidding. I rewrote them several times, came back and reread, and then rewrote again. And then it sounded less horrible so I went with it.

Anyway, writing is practice. A lot of practice. And you have to keep at it.

I mean, you can't slack off. Because once word leaks out that a writer has slacked off people begin to underestimate you, and then it's nothing but work, work, work, all the time.

(Does anyone get this reference? It's slightly changed up from the original but anyway....)

But although writing is hard, and descriptions can be even trickier to write than a chapter, remember to just have fun with it - write because you want to, because you enjoy it. You can just write and edit later - editing is very important. But that's a rant for another time.

And whatever style the description is written in is up to you - write it as you wish.