I Don't Wike It: The Cliches and Sterotypes of Wattpad

My Preciousssss

*Featuring Miranda from "The Bad Boy Has My Nudes!"*

"Listen, precious," he said, smirking.

"Preciousssss....." I said, making my voice sound very close to that of Gollum from Lord of the Rings.

His smirk wavered. Good, so it bothered him. "Precious, don't do that."

"Do what, Precious? Smeagol doesn't understand, Precious," I continued, softening my voice to sound more like Smeagol rather than his evil counterpart.

"Come on, precious, I get it," he said, his smirk regaining some of its former strength.

"My Preciousss...stupid hobbitses doesn't get it, doesn't understand, Precious," I said, becoming Gollum again.

"Look, can we just get something to eat or not?" He was getting annoyed, I could tell, but I wasn't going to stop until he called me my real name or just left me alone. I didn't really care which.

"We likes our food raw, and wriggling," I snarled, sputtering and shaking my head, wiggling my fingers for emphasis.

His nose crinkled up in what I hoped was disgust. Then his face fell back into that stupid neutral expression of his. "So you're a sushi girl, huh, precious?"

"The rock and pool, so nice and cool, so juicy sweet!" I crooned in Smeagol's ear-grating tone, "Our only wish, to catch a fish, so juicy sweet!"

He now had his hands cupped over his ears. "Ugh! That's awful, precious."

"It came to me, my own, my love, my preciousss," I said, trying to sound as creepy and unnerving as possible.

His face crinkled up in a kind of confused and angry expression, and he rose from his seat beside me. "So do you not like me, precious?"

God, he's so stupid, he just keeps setting himself up. "We hates the nasty hobbitses! Nasty, nasty, nasty hobbitses! Sneaky little hobbitses! Wicked, tricksy, false!" I snarled. "Yes, precious, false, they will cheat you, hurt you, lie."

"Oh my god, you're insane," he mumbled before slowly retreating.

I grinned so wide my face hurt. "We told him to go away... and away he goes, Precious! Gone, gone, gone! Smeagol is free!" I drew out the word "free" in a high-pitched wail of sorts.

He glanced back at me before taking off at a run.

*that's right esteemed weirdos, Miranda is back and better than ever! I think she'll be showing up a lot, I just love her.

+++++

Anyway, I don't understand why Mr. Bad Boy Sex God Hot Stuff always has to call MC a nickname she doesn't like, until suddenly she does.

Kitten. 

Sweetheart.

Precious.                     (Preciousssss)

Sweet cheeks.          (Awful, demeaning)

Honeybun.

Cutie.

Cutie pie.

Doll face.

Doll.

Baby girl.

Baby/Babe.

Sweetie.

Darlin'.

Mine.                           (Blegh. She belongs to no man, you creep!)

Princess.

Sweet thing.            (She's not a thing you asshole!)

Sugar.

Buttercup.                (Pwincess Buwercwup)

Sunshine.

Honey.

Cupcake.

Spider Monkey.      (What even Edward? You stupid!)

Homeslice.               (Just kidding!)

Side note, all of these nicknames are fine IF the person they're bestowed upon likes them.

I mean, what is so "cute" about an annoying nickname? Huh? Nothing? Yeah, that's right.

It could be funny, maybe, if he only did it once or twice or when they were joking around, and she had a nickname for him, too.

In my book, Terms and Agreements, the MC has a nickname for the love interest, and he has one for her. They don't really call each other by those nicknames very often, but when they do, they're playing around and they both think it's funny.

But when he's just constantly throwing it in her face, this nickname she hates, and she keeps asking him, ordering him to stop, but he won't, it's not cute. It's not funny. It's annoying and immature.

So she should just leave him. Oh wait, she can't. Because he'll just follow her. And, also, because in book world no girl can be without her man, er, immature little asshole bad boy.

Here's the thing: yes, nicknames can be cute. They can be fun. But they're not when they're overused or despised by the person they are bestowed upon.

Maybe this can happen: He can call her a nickname she doesn't like. She points out her disdain for it, and he doesn't call her that name anymore. There, it's fixed. 

Then maybe one day, when they're teasing back and forth, he jokingly calls her the nickname again, they laugh it off, but he doesn't bring it back because he knows she really doesn't like it.

And she doesn't just suddenly decide she likes it, either. Why can't girls in these stories have minds of their own? I don't get it! Ugh.

Why can't they be like Miranda? Though maybe a little more subtle. 

But seriously, though, give her her own brain and thoughts, and the ability to make her own decisions.

Brain cells!