I Don't Wike It: The Cliches and Sterotypes of Wattpad

Texting [Insert Random Famous Guy Most Girls Drool Over here]

First of all, how did she get his number? And if he gave it to her, why would he do that? 

Why would some celebrity (probably Harry from 1D) give his phone number to a random girl/fan? Why? 

And if it's accidentally texting the wrong number, why would the conversation continue after, "sorry, wrong number"?

And also, why write a story composed of nothing but texts? And when would he have time to just sit around and text some random girl all the time?

But mostly, why would they even be texting in the first place? 

And if it's something about losing phones or switching or something, or the wrong number thing, that still doesn't make any sense. 

The phone would probably be password protected, and if it weren't, they'd return each other's phones to each other asap, because we all know most people can't live five minutes without their phones.

And then they'd part ways as unlikely friends.

And, if it was a wrong number, they wouldn't want to take a chance on whoever they're texting being a creep. 

Oh wait. They would. 

Because in story world, no one has sense.

Or he somehow has her number and texts her but doesn't tell her who he is until she finds out or he deems her worthy. 

How would he get her number? 

Why would he want her number and not ask her for it himself or ask her out on a date or something? 

Where is the logic? 

Oh wait. There isn't any.

Mary Sue's phone buzzed and she woke up from some really deep level of sleep from just a tiny buzzing noise. 

She picked it up, immediately checking for a new message. It was from Random Hot Boy Band Member. She read it quickly.

I no we jst txtd 2day but ily bb

Her heart fluttered in her chest as she replied, ily 2 bb

Let's get mrried n hav bbs ilysm

ily mor tbh

ily most

lol u win

lol bb ikr

Oh my god it hurt so much to write that! I can't do the text-speak very well so forgive the crudeness.

Anyway, I haven't really read many of these kinds of stories. They bug the crap out of me because they're just illogical and annoying.

+++

Who is this?

If I told you you wouldn't believe me.

Try me.

I'm freakin' Random Hot Boy Band Member baby

I don't believe you

So she doesn't believe it's Random Hot Boy Band Member until suddenly she does. For some reason. Oh, he sends her a picture. 

There's no risk in that, you know. 

She would never show the picture to everyone at school, then give his number to every girl ever and then his phone would explode from too many pictures of obsessed fangirls' barely developed boobies.

Or, she just instantly believes it's Random Hot Boy Band Member, no questions asked.

Who dis?

Random. Freakin'. Boy Band Member.

Omg! 4 rlz? R u serious?

Yup.

And then they're texting for a while, and she doesn't answer for a couple days, and he's all worried like:

Mary Sue, it's been a week, two days, seven hours, forty-two minutes, and thirty-seven seconds since you texted me last. Are you okay?

Thirty-eight.

Thirty-nine.

I'm alive.

Oh! What happened?

And then it's some dramatic reason why she didn't answer, like her parents dying or her house burning down or something.

Why can't she just not answer him immediately because she has a life? You know, friends, school, a family to spend time with? Ugh.

If Miranda was in this situation, and if she even acknowledged the text in the first place, it might go down something like this:

Hey ;)

Bye.

Aren't you gonna ask who I am?

Nope.

I'm freakin' Random Hot Boy Band Member, baby!

Yeah, and I'm the Heir of Slytherin. Goodbye.

Come on, talk to me.

Whoever you are, stop texting me.

*sends picture* see? I am Random Hot Boy Band Member.

Bullshit. You just got that off the Internet.

Fine. *sends another picture of himself making a weird face with crossed eyes and double chins while a clock in the background shows the time* did I get this off the Internet?

It doesn't matter.

It does matter.

Hey, you still there?

Hello?

What's your name?

Kisma. Kisma Az.

What?

Oh, I just read it out loud, good one. Haha.

Very funny.

Hello?

Where are you from?

What do you like to do?

What's your real name?

Your being very rude.

*You're.

Oh, so the only time you answer me is to correct my grammar?

I guess so.

Okay, I give up. You win.

We told him to go away....and away he goes, Precious! Gone, gone, gone! Smeagol is freeeeee!!

*free. 

Yeah, Gollum's back. I might have stayed away but the terror of Faramir's men throwing Smeagol around brought me back.

You're not even gonna reply to that amazing LotR reference?

Ugh. Fine. I'm really going now, but only because I fell into a lava pit after biting off Frodo's finger.

Good thing Miranda has willpower, right? 

Because otherwise she would have responded to his, yes, amazing LotR reference, but she didn't want to talk to him, so she stood her ground.

More book girls should be like this, I think.

Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee